Dec 17, 2007

Life or something like it.......


Is 24 really really old people? Mum makes me feel so sometimes. I mean why are we in hurry to marry me off. This has been the on going debate in my life with Mum and Dad these days. For christ’s sake I don’t wanna get married right now. I don’t even feel 24 to be honest about it. Sometimes when I am irritated I feel like a whiny 13 year old, when I am in a naughty mood me feels 8 again, when I feel the love filling me up I am all of 16 and most of the time I am almost 18 and there are instances or moments rather periods when I know I am way older than a lot of people around me. So how could you explain that? Why does marriage have to so high in my parents priority list. No I definitely do not wanna die an old maid, I mean come on who does? All those women who say so and pass statements like “Please I love my singledom and I don’t need anybody” are well living in denial and no I am not one of them. Yeah I do love living alone, been doing it for so long that this right now seems to be the only way of living. But that doesn’t mean I don’t crave for that companion, that friend, philosopher and guide. Okie these words sound too profound maybe. Actually I just want a friend and no I don’t think he’d be on shaadi.com or bharatmatrimony.com. Really strange how I keep hearing news about somebody or the other getting hitched day after day and I am like another one bites the dust. Then I bump into people on the social networking sites and they have all these happy pictures put up and you wonder “damn so does happily ever after actually exist?”. What happens after all these happy happy pictures are taken? What happens after you actually walk into the sunset with your prince? What if there isn’t a prince waiting for you somewhere? For people like me as each day progresses and we go about our lives living happily and moping around once in a while about being alone marriage is a scary word. I mean you know you want it eventually but not right now. I cannot imagine being saddled along with someone just for the sake of it. I am not anti marriage, I am not anti arranged marriages too. Some of the happiest couples I see didn’t know each other until mommy and daddy decided to take matters in their hands.

But hell I haven’t accepted the fact that I won’t meet someone the way I’d love to in this pathway of life. But realization does strike me sometimes that guess its not always like the movies. I guess sometime I would have to settle for the inevitable arranged marriage but now even the thought of meeting someone my parents ask me to gives me the creeps. They’d get some highly educated geek, with a thousand degrees and I would have to judge him based on a few meetings. If not few meetings then phone calls and chatting. It is like some deal which we enter into knowing fully well what the pros and cons can be. On second thoughts isn’t everything a deal? When I was younger and foolish I nursed these notions on how my dream guy should be. I wanted him to be well read, look kinda nice, intellectual till a certain extent and darn the list could go on and on. But in today’s day and age my notions have changed drastically. I just wanna be with someone who I could be the bestest friends with. Yup if you cannot be my best friend then hell I can’t be with you. Ofcourse he should be doing well for himself and decent family background and yadda yadda yadda! Isn’t that understood? Obviously I gave 5 very long years of my to that degree and I wanna study more. I wouldn’t be able to connect with just any village idiot. This one time I was so fixated with this amazing man who someways made me want more out of life, he was such a go getter, still is, dreams so big. I didn’t know him for too long, just a very short period of time in my life but I loved his drive, the tenacity that he is the best and is gonna get exactly where he wants to in life. He is still the same but in another world. But that was just a passing fancy I think or I just made myself believe something that wasn’t there. Today its different I guess. Never thought I’d say this but think we end up connecting with the last people we ever thought we would. Life is such an irony and with every single day I realize it a little more. The twists and turns astound me. I never know what is in store. Sometimes drunken prayers come true. Damn they do and you don’t know what hit you. Sometimes living in denial is the only way to live cos reality scares the living daylights out of you. Sometimes we should count our blessings and the loving people around you cos that’s the only thing which keeps me going. Sometimes the goofiest of people come out with the most classic retorts and you are left with your mouth wide open. I know I am not making too much sense. But then I seldom seem to make sense on my blog. And sometimes you get more than you thought you would and you are left with a warm fuzzy feeling inside. Like a B-52 shot. Hahaha!

Mum keeps telling me how there must be somebody so perfect for me somewhere and maybe he is on shaadi or jeevansathi.com and yeah right I should be the President of United States. No Mum there ain’t anybody perfect out there. I don’t believe in fairytales anymore, I don’t believe in soul mates too. I don’t believe in serendipity. I don’t even know much about happily ever afters and all the cliché Mum. I just don’t and no I am not a love sick looney Mum. Think you know me more than that. I know I pine for something that seems to be impossible right now and I feel sad that I cannot talk about it to you. For the first time in my life I cannot and it hurts. I wonder if you can sense it in my voice. Weren’t you my bestest and oldest friend? Then why would ya want me to compromise. Its never about perfection. Nothing is perfect ever Mum, not the sunshine, not the the raindrops, or the falling autumn leaves, not the snowflakes or even a beautiful sunny day. Sometimes it feels so right but is soooooo wrong and maybe some of us are just meant to love the wrong people and die.

14 comments:

Shine on said...

Well your butt's getting big and you're 24....hmmmm if you ask me you're hot property right now :) . So its obvious why you're mother wants you to get married now. Its all downhill after 25 :) Maybe you should engineer some of your acquaintances to post themselves on these matrimonial sites with fantastic credentials and a zillion degrees and set them up to meet your Mum and they can turn out to be everything the opposite of what they claimed. A good opening line could be "I like to molest dogs..' you get what I'm saying :)

Sam said...

hmmm... teh age old problem rears its ugly head again!! it seriously does get bugging for a girl wen her parents wanna pac her off early on.. i have a frnd who's going through the same cenario.. and she goes through it smartly fidns one flaw or teh otehr to reject teh guy!! brat!!

anywyz, another i would like to point out. you said: "I don’t believe in fairytales anymore, I don’t believe in soul mates too. I don’t believe in serendipity."
You should believe!! trust me they do happen.. it's always there... nad ic an tell you this because i've seen them happening.. i been down the hill too.. life is too short for one to give up such beautiful ideas... u simply cannot!! i mean, can u really have a bitter or sour cake??? u can't, r8?? u need dat dashfo sugar... maybe that extra cream, or nut or some other fruit... but you'd need it!! dats how dreams, fairytales, serendipity, love, trust they all come into the picture!! without them you're as good as a dead man walking...

think abt it!!

The Lover said...

hmm...u can't help it girl..that IS how typical indian parents are when it comes to being a daughter...no matter how much India talks abt modernization and stuff, the fact still remains that parents today still feel that it is their karmic duty to marry off their daughter as soon as she reaches the marriageable age...

J said...

This post pretty much summarizes the issues of a 20 something person. I guess there's a time and place for everything, until then just go with the flow.

Rambler said...

Hey this made me write something which has been hiding deep down my minds for quite sometime now..

I guess all 20 somethings have this pressure from parents about marriage, and yes we all have our own worries, its strange that what we want from a marriage varies from person so person, and the variance is so vast.

I really liked the maturity depicted in what you look for in a guy..

excellent thought provoking post.

anuj said...

Exactly !! Whn I say to people 'I am scared of marriages rite now', they alwyz tend to get me wrng like I am scared of commitments n all .. which is pathetic .. I mean thts d point .. I am not denyin it .. its just that rite now its scary .. n weird ..

I guess wht ur sayin in important .. like u knw .. initially its all dreamy n u believe that all these things like finding someone perfect n all do exist in reality .. but thn u realise tht its all phony .. n nothin in this wrld is exact ..

but I guess .. I would like to believe in Serendipity .. who knws .. whts coming your way .. just that you can hope for it to be beautiful !!

cheers

Sameera said...

It lies in your hand,the ultimate decision.In the end,it's your life and you have every right to choose who you want to spend most of it with.Good luck!

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

Parents... they worry... they cant help themselves :)

She said...

How dare you end your post on such a negative note??? I insist you change it right away. ofcourse there is such a thing as a soulmate and serendipity too, dont stop believing...not yet at any rate. marriage will happen..only when you want it. life is good, so is love, eve if its one way street. it just makes you warm on the inside.

Renovatio said...

Enjoy your life hon, you can almost legally drink now! :D

anuj said...

Hey man .. update .. write something gal ..

Pri said...

believe me girl...thats what parents are all about..but they do understand...:)
we are just 24 and then again, its got nothing to do with age...its all about the 'right person' and the 'right moment' :)and those are matters of the heart so u got to let it decide...
try talking it out to ur mom...
my mom had gone on a 'u ought to think about the future (read marriage)' convincing spree a couple of months back, highly influenced by the oh so very worried about my life and future
aunties and uncles...
but then when it got a bit too much, i just went up to her and said 'mom dont u think its better to take my own time than having to live the rest of my life regretting tht i married the wrong guy just because i thought time was running out'...
she smiled and dint argue...
after that conversation, we havent spoken on that topic again (atleast till now..touchwood! .heehee)
ohh and by the way i dont really agree tht ppl who want to live their life single and happy are living in denial...whatever makes u think tht---im really surprised...

Solitaire said...

Marriage is high on every Indian parents' priority list. And maybe rightly so. With this kinda attitude prevailing, all the "nice" ones (maybe not perfect, but more eligible) are taken by the time we are ready. I am way older than you, still unmarried, and find no one my age still single and looking. Maybe I will end up loving the wrong people.

B said...

'are taken by the time we are ready'--thats so very true!!!