Dec 17, 2007
Life or something like it.......
Is 24 really really old people? Mum makes me feel so sometimes. I mean why are we in hurry to marry me off. This has been the on going debate in my life with Mum and Dad these days. For christ’s sake I don’t wanna get married right now. I don’t even feel 24 to be honest about it. Sometimes when I am irritated I feel like a whiny 13 year old, when I am in a naughty mood me feels 8 again, when I feel the love filling me up I am all of 16 and most of the time I am almost 18 and there are instances or moments rather periods when I know I am way older than a lot of people around me. So how could you explain that? Why does marriage have to so high in my parents priority list. No I definitely do not wanna die an old maid, I mean come on who does? All those women who say so and pass statements like “Please I love my singledom and I don’t need anybody” are well living in denial and no I am not one of them. Yeah I do love living alone, been doing it for so long that this right now seems to be the only way of living. But that doesn’t mean I don’t crave for that companion, that friend, philosopher and guide. Okie these words sound too profound maybe. Actually I just want a friend and no I don’t think he’d be on shaadi.com or bharatmatrimony.com. Really strange how I keep hearing news about somebody or the other getting hitched day after day and I am like another one bites the dust. Then I bump into people on the social networking sites and they have all these happy pictures put up and you wonder “damn so does happily ever after actually exist?”. What happens after all these happy happy pictures are taken? What happens after you actually walk into the sunset with your prince? What if there isn’t a prince waiting for you somewhere? For people like me as each day progresses and we go about our lives living happily and moping around once in a while about being alone marriage is a scary word. I mean you know you want it eventually but not right now. I cannot imagine being saddled along with someone just for the sake of it. I am not anti marriage, I am not anti arranged marriages too. Some of the happiest couples I see didn’t know each other until mommy and daddy decided to take matters in their hands.
But hell I haven’t accepted the fact that I won’t meet someone the way I’d love to in this pathway of life. But realization does strike me sometimes that guess its not always like the movies. I guess sometime I would have to settle for the inevitable arranged marriage but now even the thought of meeting someone my parents ask me to gives me the creeps. They’d get some highly educated geek, with a thousand degrees and I would have to judge him based on a few meetings. If not few meetings then phone calls and chatting. It is like some deal which we enter into knowing fully well what the pros and cons can be. On second thoughts isn’t everything a deal? When I was younger and foolish I nursed these notions on how my dream guy should be. I wanted him to be well read, look kinda nice, intellectual till a certain extent and darn the list could go on and on. But in today’s day and age my notions have changed drastically. I just wanna be with someone who I could be the bestest friends with. Yup if you cannot be my best friend then hell I can’t be with you. Ofcourse he should be doing well for himself and decent family background and yadda yadda yadda! Isn’t that understood? Obviously I gave 5 very long years of my to that degree and I wanna study more. I wouldn’t be able to connect with just any village idiot. This one time I was so fixated with this amazing man who someways made me want more out of life, he was such a go getter, still is, dreams so big. I didn’t know him for too long, just a very short period of time in my life but I loved his drive, the tenacity that he is the best and is gonna get exactly where he wants to in life. He is still the same but in another world. But that was just a passing fancy I think or I just made myself believe something that wasn’t there. Today its different I guess. Never thought I’d say this but think we end up connecting with the last people we ever thought we would. Life is such an irony and with every single day I realize it a little more. The twists and turns astound me. I never know what is in store. Sometimes drunken prayers come true. Damn they do and you don’t know what hit you. Sometimes living in denial is the only way to live cos reality scares the living daylights out of you. Sometimes we should count our blessings and the loving people around you cos that’s the only thing which keeps me going. Sometimes the goofiest of people come out with the most classic retorts and you are left with your mouth wide open. I know I am not making too much sense. But then I seldom seem to make sense on my blog. And sometimes you get more than you thought you would and you are left with a warm fuzzy feeling inside. Like a B-52 shot. Hahaha!
Mum keeps telling me how there must be somebody so perfect for me somewhere and maybe he is on shaadi or jeevansathi.com and yeah right I should be the President of United States. No Mum there ain’t anybody perfect out there. I don’t believe in fairytales anymore, I don’t believe in soul mates too. I don’t believe in serendipity. I don’t even know much about happily ever afters and all the cliché Mum. I just don’t and no I am not a love sick looney Mum. Think you know me more than that. I know I pine for something that seems to be impossible right now and I feel sad that I cannot talk about it to you. For the first time in my life I cannot and it hurts. I wonder if you can sense it in my voice. Weren’t you my bestest and oldest friend? Then why would ya want me to compromise. Its never about perfection. Nothing is perfect ever Mum, not the sunshine, not the the raindrops, or the falling autumn leaves, not the snowflakes or even a beautiful sunny day. Sometimes it feels so right but is soooooo wrong and maybe some of us are just meant to love the wrong people and die.