Mar 25, 2009
I came back home on Sunday afternoon to a musty room with dust settled on almost everything I own and it did not feel like home. It still doesn’t however hard I try. I was dreading work on Monday morning and yes recession has hit us hard too and the clients seem to be barely trickling in. I was given work nonetheless and had to draft some agreement and as expected I took it too easy. I did anything and everything but draft the agreement and as a result of my excessive laziness I was up at the break of dawn today finishing it. I almost lost my cool an hour into it when I realised it isn’t as simple as I thought it was and was almost ready to give up but I guess this workplace has taught me one thing and that is never ever to give up on an agreement even if it’s the worst possible one. You carry on drafting slowly, reading and re reading, deleting and adding. Everytime I read it I found something missing or something not fitting in and I kept adding till the last moment even 5 minutes before submitting it at 11:30. It wasn’t the perfect one though. I wonder when I’d be able to draft a perfect agreement. ☺
Last week as we drove down from Haridwar to Dehradun I saw some of the loveliest scenery I have seen in the recent times (after my Jim Corbett trip last year and that already feels like a lifetime back). Yeah this was the same part of the country too and I love the trees, just endless rows and rows of trees and forest area. The eucalyptus, the pine, the fir trees with the purple bourgavillea made the prettiest picture postcard view. Though my frame of mind could not be equated to that beauty around me. But then hell tis never gonna be picture postcard perfect. Anyways I plan to come back next year for the Kumbh Mela and Batty has agreed to accompany me. It should be fun and intriguing and we should be able to take some interesting pictures.
Monday evening Meggy and I went over to Featherlite to choose chairs for ourselves for the new office. In the space of an hour and a half we tried out every single chair, couch and sofa in the shop and we had opinion on every item they had on display including the cute work stations, the coffee tables and the sexy bar stools. Now the problem being both of us found fundamentally different chairs comfortable and we cannot possibly have dissimilar chairs and had to reach to a consensus. But Meggy being 5ft and I being 5 inches taller than her we were not agreeing on any one chair. The ones I liked were too high for her and the ones she approved off were too low for me or she liked mesh while I liked leather. We were politely but firmly asked to leave the shop at 8:30 and the look of relief on the sales guy was to die for hahah! We still haven’t got our chairs ;-)!
There was Biriyani for lunch today in the Cafeteria and as usal Meggy and I passed comments on the people from the neighbouring office looking at them enviously as they always seem to be such happy carefree people. We on the other hand look perennially harrowed and tired, the types who clearly don’t have a life besides this law firm. Oh and last night Miss Lemony Pie and I came to the conclusion that we single women actually only ever talk about the exception and not the rule. ( Has anyone seen “ He’s just not that into you”) Me thinks Batty Woman’s story is an exception and point being I am probably not gonna be the exception so I should quit wanting what is unattainable. But I still don’t wanna and despite everything I still hope and maybe I always will thinking it could be just around the corner waiting for me. :-)
“Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."
Gigi [He's Just Not That Into You]
Mar 17, 2009
Yeah I have been away for a while but I guess its expected considering the fact that we lead the lives we lead.This one week will see me traverse 3 cities (Delhi, Bangalore, Kolkata) and 2 small towns (Haridwar and Dehradun). I have loads and loads of memories atatched to Dehradun as I spent a part of my childhood there. I was 4 then I think as we use to live right next to Doon School. I had the most ridiculous haircut which in the mid 80's use to be known as the "katori cut" as in literally meaning that your hair would be cut in the shape of a round bowl. I looked like quite the clown and to top it all there was some serial killer on the prowl in Dehradun in those days and he had a taste for little girls so I had been strictly intructed by my folks especially my Dad that if anybody asks my name I am to say my name was Pappu. Well I took to the game like a fish in water and very soon started acting my part so well that I would not respond to my real name except for Pappu and I had convinced myself in my head that I was a little boy until my Mum whacked me one day reminding me who I actually was and what my real name was hahahha!
I know I shouldn't be writing such inane anecdotes but I don't seem to want to write anything else. Someone told me the other day that I have to be strong and a little indifferent to whats happening around me or else even when this time passes and life changes I'll be stuck in this time capsule having lost the real me forever. Sometimes I feel maybe I'll never be able to have a fun time without worrying or feeling guilty that I shouldn't. Life surely has the strangest ways of teaching us lessons I say. I know I have to be making plans very soon but selfish that I am something which bothers me a lot is taking this break from my job and I'll be missing out on work and a learning for sometime. But times change, atleast I hope they do and my dreams will remain with me intact and hopefully someday I'll chase them again. Till then I'll do my duty cos this is the least I can do and I owe them this much and so much more.
Mar 6, 2009
That time nothing made me happier than an e-mail from him with an account of exactly what he has been upto and how much he misses me. I haven't exchanged such frequent and long e-mails ever again in my life despite the internet being so much more accessible now. Those were the days when one had to pay 30 bucks for an hour of surfing the net but I'd check my mail without fail just to receive one of his long, chirpy, intense yet sunshiny e-mails. I remember his gruffy voice and how everytime he called Dad would think a really old guy is calling me up when in reality it was a 17 year old calling a looney 18 year old and trying to put some sense into her head while she swayed to and fro from sanity to insanity. I remember his obsession with the guitar and he idolised Joe Satriani. I loved, I loved talking to him and the feeling was mutual and no this isn't any love story or anything even remotely close to that. Just an episode I was reminded off today after years cos I dreamt of him last night. In hindsight I feel we could have been really good friends if not for the stupidities of youth and the quirks and eccentricities that come along with it.
By the end of it he vanished just as suddenly as he had made an appearance and the melodramatic me deleted those lovely e-mails he sent me in a fit on anger. I want those e-mails back, I really do. Infact I tried retrieving them a couple of years back but to no avail cos technology has its limitations too since the account shut down 7 years back. We never got in touch again except for an odd e-mail I sent him and he replied back saying he had been thinking about me but again that was that. Sometimes I did wonder how he was, how was law school coming along for him because one did not have social networking sites in the earlier part of this decade. But since he had hurt my already damaged ego I would have never made an effort to renew our association. Apparently he'd come down to my college once for some moot court and asked about me but my luck I was back home then. I was excited just knowing so he does remember me.
Finally when I did bump into him I completely looked through him as he stared at me. It was the High Court in Delhi a year and a half back as I was chatting with S and we walked past by each other and he looked at me while I put on a fabulous act of not recognising him and continued my conversation with S. I knew it was him the instant I saw him but I wanted to have the upper hand for once and thus the elaborate act. I got some perverse pleasure out of it as he almost had that surprised expression on his face. He never came forward to say Hi to me but I know he kept looking back.
I believe he still plays the guitar like a dream and still is quite the dreamer he use to be at 17. I heard he lost his father almost 2 years back and that was one time when I wanted to say something but there was nothing to say. I have no idea why you were in my dreams last night but when I got up this morning I did know that I wanna say " Hi Gruffy Voice! How are you Dude? Longtime! Hope you are doing good. Thought I'd drop in a word." But I never shall.
Mar 3, 2009
Its 9 at night and I am in office trying to finish something along with Meggy. No big deal i know since most people I know work just as hard if not more. But today was one of those blearghhhh days maybe cos She and Miss Touch Me Not left and i couldn't spend enough time with them and also cos I am PMSing real badly and to top it all there isn't any water at home. Also cos I feel ugly and fat and not me at all. I've had a real fun time last 2 days with these 2 friends of mine but I do not feel like replicating it on Blogger as yet cos I wouldn't be able to do justice to it. I've even shopped lots and lots but why do I feel the way I do? Oh and I sorted stuff out in my head too and it is such a load off my chest.
I've stopped wearing kajal cos I got the nastiest sty in my eyes and I look like this pale imitation of the older me which maybe I am. I saw such happy snaps on Facebook and wanted to be as happy as her but I cannot. I am turning into a social recluse but not to worry because I feel it is just a phase. At least I hope it is. Last night I had homemade Irish Cream at someone's place and it was divine and very potent.I drank lots of wine too but like She says I can have two bottles of wine all my myself and not bat an eyelid. I ain't half that cool anymore. I got high on 3 drinks on Saturday with my roomies and She and Miss Touch Me Not. She got me the prettiest bedcovers and I am very excited and dying to use them.
Nutty bugged me all weekend and we fought quite a bit, much to the amusement of everyone around. They find it hilarious and they would considering the fact that we fight like cats and dogs on the stupidest of issues. I am tired, really tired and I just wanna sleep and not worry, wanna be able to hope for something good to happen, look forward to something or have plain fun without reality biting me and reminding me of the real picture.