Sep 7, 2015

Closing time

Growing up means handling heartbreaks better.  Or does it? Just the other day I was thinking oh so complacently, in the face of issues in office with the Boss and the state at home, and I was like the only thing I have learnt how to deal with effectively all these years from 16 to 32 would be  heartbreaks and rejections!  I think feeling heartbroken was such a familiar emotion for me. It was comfortable and  I was so at home being rejected and heartbroken. I had my break up songs that would be playing on a loop. I had my girls in every city I went. There are coffee shops and watering holes you go to and drown in green tea and cocktails and smoke copious amounts and bitch and bitch until you can bitch no more. You rip the object of your former affection apart piece by piece and at the end of the outing your brigade has convinced you how you are too good for him. Sigh!

 I even found a new set of girls to crib and whine to in Singapore as and when I felt the rejection. Sigh! I haven’t that here. I wonder if I will, I doubt I will. My people that is what I miss. I need to meet my girls and talk this thing out. Any one will do. Two of them would make my cup overflow with happiness. I miss my friends so much that it hurts. It happens every single day. I am like what am I doing here without my friends? Without them and  my loved ones I am nothing. They make such a large part of me and if you cannot find a new band then its time you move on. There has to be something that roots you to a place. Sadly this place for me will not have roots. Just holidays to Europe will not keep me going. They are mere oasis’ in my otherwise barren life here. I want more. I want green pastures, I want freedom, I want the liberty to be myself, I want love and laughter and giggles, I want magic and the feeling of being whole. That is what I want. I want the opposite of loneliness. Absolute opposite of loneliness.