Apr 14, 2008

I can have anything that I desire. Sigh!

Hullo! Guess I am updating after 3 weeks or so. Been so goddamned busy and yesterday was the first Sunday when I could laze around without a worry on my mind about pending work. “Pending Work” what can I say about these two little words that have taken precedence over everything else in my life. Now there are certain aspects of my job which I absolutely detest. I do not like dealing with inanimate objects day in and day out and the insipidity that from my perspective defines the construction industry. Now I know I shouldn’t be passing such dramatic statements cos for builders and promoters this is as good as it gets and its only getting better. But I so hate these arbitrations which take place one after the other and the only role I play is to be typing out the minutes of the meeting and the arbitrators who often mistake me for a stenographer. It did not bother me too much before cos most of them would be elderly people who’d treat me almost with a hint of affection as I’d be young enough to be their grand daughter. But last week there was an arbitration at ASSOCHAM Chamber and darn I’d been working like a dog all morning in office when I was called there for typing and the Chief Arbitrator took me to be a secretary or something and was even surprised when I’d knew the matter as well as I did. He was downright rude cos I was a bit slow and later on when I went to get the print outs my bosses told him that I was a lawyer as well. When I came in later he was scrutinising me from head to toe trying to make out the lawyer in me but his attitude hadn’t changed and he was as patronising as ever. I felt really let down more than anything else cos I had only been trying to do my job well. The opposite party had gotten along this pretty young thing of an advocate who was seemed to be quite a bimbette but just cos she was in black and white ( mind you all she did was to help her seniors hold the files) and I wasn’t the differential treatment. Hell I really don’t care. I don’t happen to be working for a law firm or a senior lawyer cos I chose a different path but that doesn’t mean what I do doesn’t deserve the same amount of respect. It bloody well does and I am working in a very niche field and that pretty young thing wouldn’t know half as much about construction law like I do. Oh my god I am blowing my own trumpet. No no this isn’t me. Just that sometimes it gets to me and yes yes I have got to find what I love and I haven’t as yet or maybe don’t have the means to right now.
Anyways I had quite a nice weekend. Friday night I was out with roomie and a couple of other friends. Roomie’s 17 year old brother is staying with us for a month and he came along. This other friend of mine whom I have started hanging around with only recently isn’t too much of a fan of rock music and sometimes I find it soooo strange cos amongst us Morisson is almost like a tradition and Friday nights are Mori nights. But the sweetheart that he is he comes only cos he knows how much I love this place. Strangely after S I had assumed that the men i’d like would have to like the same things I do cos S just does. We listen to the same music, the same songs, both love reading and adore Harry Potter and haunting the same places weekend after weekend. I know his likes and dislikes inside out and think he does too. Even the food we order we just know that what he doesn’t like I wouldn’t like too and vice versa. And no he is my best friend that’s all hahah! But Funny Boy, as I am gonna christen this new addition in my life, ( though I have no idea how long he intends to be around) doesn’t like half the things I do. I wouldn’t listen to the hindi chammiyyan music that plays in his car unless it is the radio and I have nothing else to listen to. He doesn’t read half as much as I do. He isn’t a lawyer but a B school product and is someone I knew years back and suddenly we seem to have hit it off. But yeah we have the Pune connection and the same army background and most importantly he makes me laugh like no one has in a long long time. He thinks I am very different from the women he is used to being around with cos I use words he doesn’t understand and he has to bang his head on the wall to do so hahaha! But he takes care of me when we are out together and we have so much fun getting out in the middle from Mori and drinking in the car and going back upstairs all drunk and everybody is left wondering what happened to the both of them. He drives down all the way from Gurgaon at 1 at night cos I wanna meet him and calls me 20 times a day. Apparently I am not the ice queen I thought I had become and I really do not need as much space I think I needed. I know all this is momentary and probably frivolous. But after a longtime I don’t mind getting out of my comfort zone and doing silly stuff like messaging all day or good night calls just before we hit the bed. Well well well I have been forbidden to walk down the same path again by my friends and this time I am not gonna fade into the background and put my feelings on the backburner. This time I am gonna say exactly what I feel cos really sometimes when you feel something as strongly as I did, one should just say it or you’ll be left with a regret that you didn’t say what you felt when you should have. I had thought I would always have that regret with S but I did the unthinkable the other day as I realised that life is changing and if I don’t put a closure to that I’ll never be able to move on completely. I am feeling so much at ease with myself and that burden of being the silent and unrequited lover has gone. I have no idea where these new developments with Funny Boy will take me cause the circumstances are frighteningly identical to what I had with S hahaha!But really will life just keep on giving me the same old trash? Someday its gonna come up with some magic too. Till then adios!!!!!!

You can have anything that you desire"