Aug 31, 2010
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.
All is well.
Henry Scott Holland
Dedicated to Baba on his 61st birthday. This is the second year that you haven't been around but needless to say you were the first thing on my mind this morning yet again as I opened my eyes to a world without you.
Aug 24, 2010
I have been wanting to blog for some time now but the urge comes at the strangest of times. Say in the middle of an all important meeting and we are amidst debating on a very valid point and I get this need to capture my thoughts of this very moment into a post. Of course it doesn’t happen and this moment passes me by. Or I am sitting in Sarvana Bhawan with my Boss and a Senior Manager and over a cup of filter coffee and a plateful of delicious steamed idlis we’ll discuss everything right from work to the sordid state of the Commonwealth Games or something as mundane as Contract Management or how grueling NDA had been to my Senior Manager when he joined it at the age of 16. Guess I am so fond of him because he is an ex-Army Officer and a true blue fauji. There is something so comforting about meeting some of these army men. They remind me so much of Baba. I am totally at ease and he has this silent faith in me which is a little surprising considering the fact that I haven’t been around for a longtime. Yes I am capable and all of that but I’d like to think that it also stems from the fact that I am an army brat and he feels an affinity because I know where he comes from and the feeling is mutual. So as I was saying just as people want to freeze moments into a picture I want to be able to capture my thoughts into specific posts at that exact point of time but alas it really doesn’t happen. The examples and incidents I gave earlier were so much more than what I described them in not so many words above. Moving on to other things. My roomie is being oh so stingy. I am so irritated. She is being tightfisted about ear buds and its pissing me to no end. I mean come on they are just ear buds. Hmmmmphhhhh!
Oh and it was my birthday last week and I was surprised at the number of wishes. I had even removed my birth date from my Facebook profile but then even if one person remembers and wishes you on your wall then it starts appearing on everybody’s mini feed and the game is up. Mona and I were out that evening though it poured and I almost thought that our plans would fall apart but she convinced me to book a cab and get out early in order to avoid the traffic. There we were four of us with bottles of wine and lots of yummy food. I drank a little too much wine and not to forget the bottle of champagne. As I do every birthday I loved the importance given to me on that one day of the year when I am the centre of attraction or at least I like to think so. Hehehe! By the time we headed home both of us were a wee bit tipsy and happy. Needless to say I had a slight hangover next morning and first half of the morning was spent nursing it and looking all gloomy and morose in office. I also got flowers, lots and lots and a cake and chocolates. Made my day yeayyyyyyy! The next two days were spent taking people from work out for dinners and lunches. I had a heavy and delightful Indian dinner with two of my work colleagues and an amazing Andhra lunch at Andhra Bhawan with a different bunch. I love there spicy, hot Andhra food and we gorged on the mutton and the prawn curry besides the usal fare of sambar and various chutneys and accompanying vegetables with unpronounceable names. (Sorry for that.)
I also happened to meet up with Fido, George and S at Morrisson for drinks after a long long time. I met up with S after two whole years. My last meeting with him had been at Morrisson 2 years back when I left Delhi and it was pure deja’ vu. This old friend of ours saw the two of us together and had that quizzical look on his face cos we hadn’t been seen together there since 2007 when we used to be there some 3 days of the week, him grooving to the music and me singing along first and head banging later once the music got a little heavier and the drinks got me high. S was just as friendly as he had been when I first met him in Delhi all those years back but the difference being that this time I wasn’t gonna fall for that bait. But yeah was so much fun meeting up with the trio and it felt like nothing had changed though Fido and I have had life altering circumstances. And life went on for me and for S and I didn’t miss him as much as I had thought I would when I first left Delhi. Maybe we build up things way bigger than what they actually are in our head. We feel we’ll never meet newer people who’ll make us feel the way we had before. Of course no one makes you feel the exact same way but you do feel just that the feelings are different cos the person is different. One does fall out of love or whatever that was and when you meet the person again you feel nothing, nothing at all but just a little wistful maybe for all that was then and all that never was.
Aug 14, 2010
Aug 8, 2010
What is with you, me and airports? Yeah too many hullos and goodbyes in airports. But seeing that beaming face of yours was worth it. And yes I love spikes. Keep it that way.
I was at the new terminal today for close to two hours and yes it is big, bright, new and swanky. I was told that it bears some resemblance to Heathrow. I wouldn't know since I haven't ever stepped out of the country and somehow saddi colourful Dilli seems to be far cry from distant, cold and grey London even if the new airport might have been modelled partly on the Heathrow and that wouldn't be surprising at all.
I have had a relatively quiet weekend but for dinner at Def Col with Mona and a couple of friends on Thursday night. I met a bunch of new people, well almost and one of them turned out to be a senior from college and an ex-colleaugue cos he was working in the same organisation I happen to be working in. Mona and I didn't touch a drop of alcohol after our over dose in Goa the week before while the other two kept ordering one whiskey after another and they for the life of them couldn't figure out how we were so chirpy and full of life sans any alcohol and finally came to the conclusion that these two women are plain high on life. Hahahha!
I picked up this book called Darlingji by Kishwar Desai and it is the love story of Nargis and Sunil Dutt and is checkered with such interesting historical filmy anecdotes. She weaves history of the times so effortlessly within the storyline which is essentially Nargis and Sunil Dutt's story.
Six months is a long long time or at least it seems so right now. But maybe it won't be as long as I think it is gonna be. This life of mine will never cease to surprise. There is sooooooo much to be done. This is just the beginning me thinks. Do you think so too?
Aug 7, 2010
Aug 4, 2010
Goa was fun, fun and fun. I wanted to write an entire post on it. Those 3 days passed by like the blink of an eyelid and woah I was back in dusty Dilli and back to my everyday ordinary life. Though I brought back with me memories of the green grassy lands, the smell of wet earth, flowery dresses, pink beads, the salty sea, tables laden with the most scrumptious food, alcohol induced conversations so typical of us girls, endless bike rides in the rain, my transparent raincoat with sunflowers all over, walking all alone on the moon lit beach happily humming to some song and knowing that my friends are sitting close by and I can return to them anytime I want to. There couldn’t have been a better place to run away to but Goa.
Batty left this morning at 8 for her flight and I am left yet again with an almost empty house and an empty room. What is with empty houses that it repulses me? I mean I am all for my space and living on my own and doing my own thing but no I do not necessarily like coming back home with nobody to greet me. Every time any of my friends and family visit I am oh so happy cos when I come back home in the evening their presence will somehow drain all the tiredness and the possible negativity of a work day away. A couple of years back I remember going through my customary boy troubles and picking up Paulo Coelho’s The Zahir on a whim hoping to find some answers there. His writings then still had some of the magic of the The Alchemist and hadn’t become repetitive and as saturated and commercial as they have become today . There was this one particular paragraph on being alone I remember reading. It said something along the lines of how at the end of the day nobody likes being alone and so many of us make our peace with it but given a choice we wouldn’t wanna be walking along this pathway of life all on your own. We humans are born to share, give, take and we thrive on interaction. Loneliness can drive us to insanity and the sooner we realize it the better.
And yet the feeling that surfaced was one of oppressive, distressing loneliness – not having someone with whom I could share the city, the walk, the things I’d like to say...there is nothing worse than the feeling that no one cares whether we exist or not, that no one is interested in what we have to say about life, and that the world can continue turning without our awkward presence.