Dec 25, 2007

Things I'll Never Say


I wonder how I'd think of us. I see us in everything even if tis been just a fraction of a liftime . Stooooopiidddd me,silly you, foolish us. Everytime they'd play our song be it "Dream On" or "That Thing You Do" the first glance would always be at you. Naaa I was wrong when I said I don't believe in fairytales, I do believe in them but I am scared of the endings, bloody scared of them. I believe in serendipity too but I don't seem to want to trust destiny. No I do not want to sound like some female chick lit writer hehehe! These days I think I am sounding like one increasingly. But seriously I do not want to be some cynical pessimistic woman who doesn't believe in magic. Wish I could be the happy me all the time. I'd love to capture it all in a plastic bubble and stay in it forever. Shielded from the world,oblivious to all the pain. Thats Utopia isn't it? I am too dreamy. These desires and castles in the air will someday bring the end of me hehehe!

Okie I am in Chennai now on a holiday with Mum, sis, uncle, aunt and cousin and it hasn't been as much fun as I thought it would be cos my cousin had to fall sick just the day after he landed from the US. Apparently the change in temperature hit him too badly. Well I would understand the difference between -25 and +25 degree celsius. So all I seem to be doing is listening to music, surfing the net and sneaking up to the terrace and smoking and yeah Mum has no idea and I do feel guilty but hell I have my own vices. They have this huge terrace and you could climb higher by getting up on the roof and last night I was having a smoke and happend to look at the moon and it was breathtaking, full moon and the moonlight was indeed playing tricks in my mind. The world surely seems enchanted in moonlight. I have too many memories of this terrace and the moon. I didn't wanna think of the past and how it had been, how it all crumbled down. I came back to my room. I don't give myself that luxury anymore. I try not to. Very hard to keep so much at bay. How do I trust people again? The closest people turn their back to you. I hate my gut feelings sometimes. I pray to god then asking him to take these nasty feelings from the middle of my stomach away.

Wished Libby Merry Christmas today. I miss her so much sometimes. Been hanging aound with Shivi and tis lovely. Keep reminscing the old times, our crazy Pondy Trip. Two of us went all the way to Pondicherry in a rickety old bus, just to chill and have fun all by ourselves. I remember drinking in those quaint french restaurants and walking down the road by the narrow beach, the white sands and the blue blue sea, brilliant shades of blue, turquoise and azure. Almost felt like a hippie after a long time. Sigh! The drudgery of routine life. Gotta get back again, yet again only to escape again.....

"Guess I am wishing my life away
Saying these things I'll never say"

7 comments:

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

enjoy your break :)
I loved this sentence: Stooooopiidddd me,silly you, foolish us
brought a smile on my face :)

J said...

Ditto here. Listening to music, checking up on mails, going up on the terrace for a smoke or two.

Sigh!! Holidays ain't that exciting anymore isn't it??

anuj said...

cud be a gud way holidayin .. u knw ..listening to music and watchin the bay .. nd topped by a smoke .. bt only if u din have a great great wild fun in ur mind .. like shoppin sprees or dancing arnd n stuff ..

thinkin of d gud old dyz .. of d desired utopia and the belief in serendipity nd destiny .. nd its all true .. d fear of it wud b their but thn u shudnt shun d faith ..

hope u will enjy d rest of ur stay .. nd pen dwn few more thoughts ..

enjy .. nd tc.

Shimmer said...

sigh! u sound like ur havin a nice n calm holiday... i don remember enjoyin blue skies n a full moon in a long tym now... god i sound like in 40 aready... heehee...

nyways... Enjoy ur New Year n hope 2008 brings a lot of happiness in your life...

n if u wanna know my opinion.. yes, fairytales do come true... ;)

cheers n love!

Pri said...

well im still waiting to be snapped out of the 'i dont believe in fairytales' mode...sigh!!

enjoy ur break and have a great time! :)

Renovatio said...

Have fun love, happy first anniversary of 2007 :p

Rambler said...

I am just back from a holiday, and your post made me want to go to pondy..something about old french cafes which is hard to resist.
Hope you had a nice holiday