Love The Way You Lie

Dearest Habit,

I was at home today, all of today. I sat at home all day doing nothing but reading my Charlie Parker mystery by John Connolly. Speaking of which I am a sucker for this guy’s writing. Has anyone ever tried reading his thrillers? He is Irish American I believe but his descriptions transport me effortlessly to snow covered misty Brooklyn on a gloomy evening or the dark and smelly alleys of not a so alluring New York. Okie I seem to be digressing cos originally this was supposed to be addressed to Habit. Maybe you Habit need to be forgotten completely now.

Now Habit has lived past the expiry date one way or the other. So time to say goodbye darling. I know Habit thinks I cannot seem to do this but I can do it with a little bit off brainwashing. I am mighty good at it. You don’t know how well I’ll do it and manage convincing myself that I’ll never be able to be at the same point ever again.Batty thinks if I could quit smoking I can quit Habit too. So I guess I shall.

Dearest darling adorable Habit who always wants everything at his own convenience. One year of having Habit around I actually cannot imagine a Habit less existence. Habit who in the recent times has always been around for me in one way or the other and to think I am kicking Habit away literally. I think it is the idea which shall be missed more or the feeling of the life that could have been. That perfect picture that you made up in your mind of how you saw yourself living that life. I blew that picture out of proportion with reality in my head. Ah well if I could say goodbye to my dreams of working/studying where I wanted to for the longest time then I can turn my back to this too.

Damn I waited for so so long. I was more than patient thinking it has to fall into place someday. I even got glimpses of it bubbling somewhere underneath. I walked down other paths only to come back to this one until the other day it hit me that I can keep walking down this path and there won’t ever be an end to this. Can you make a mistake and miss your fate? I wonder. I’ll keep wondering always I guess. Hell.

Love,

Me

"So many roads. So many detours. So many choices. So many mistakes.”

Sarah Jessica Parker