I may never grow up, I may never give in.

Last evening M, Gandalf and I went to Aqua for dinner and drinks. I was in Aqua after 2 years and man how much we have changed since then or rather how much has life changed since then. The last time I was looking forward to my stint in Bangalore and a new world seemed to have opened up for me while now I only care to look one day ahead and max to max a week and if I dare to be too ambitious maybe a month.

First things first though. So we sat by the pool side with our feet dipped in the ankle length water and drank delicious cocktails with outlandish names that I have never heard of before like Strawberry Sea Breeze that tasted a tad bit too sweet and was guzzled down by Gandalf while I insisted on having his chocolate flavoured vodka one with nuts and a hint of Baileys. Oh that reminds me the other day I had this Baileys based cocktail called White Russian and I was surprised that I hadn’t tried it before given my love for anything Baileys. There was a time a couple of years back when Aben had managed securing a bottle of Baileys from some admirer of hers and both of us would sneakily have it in her room while the others would be out since we refused to share it the beer drinkers or the vodka and lime cordial lovers who didn’t understand our craving for liqueurs.

God this is turning out to be a post devoted solely to cocktails it seems. Nooooo that wasn’t the point of blogging today. I am leaving for home in another 15 minutes and I’d thought since I won’t have access to the internet for a week and would be dying to pen my thoughts down I could put up a post as a sort of good bye post. I mean hardly goodbye but even then I am so used to posting at least once a week.  I am gonna be home after 6 months and it doesn’t feel so cos the last 6 months have seriously flown past by. I remember my first day in office over here and my dismay for having landed myself in yet another situation where I have to make do with whatever I am getting. I was partly in shock as I looked around at all the building material, cranes, debris, equipments and not to forget the half built airport and amidst all of that out of nowhere appeared this huge office and woooo hooo what on earth was a lawyer supposed to do over here?

Ah well we’ve come a long way indeed. My first thought had been how in the hell are they gonna be finishing all of this in 6 months and man they have almost done it. Quite the feat I must say but for the disputes that are waiting to take shape and culminate into full fledged battle grounds and that is where I came in. Maybe I am actually finding my way around. Not bad I say. Not bad at all.

Damn I sound so self obsessed sometimes. I know I do. Sigh!

Just what there is, which is after all so much.

So I had a relatively quiet weekend with Meggy as we caught up after 6 months. Well she just shifted to Delhi and both of us couldn’t believe the fact that it is not Bangalore but Delhi that we are hanging out in and we actually have two solid jobs and we don’t work for the same slave master anymore. Though I wonder how astonished the slave master would be if by any freak of chance Meggy and I ever bumped into him. I really wanna bump into him someday. I am sure when the time is right I will.

We guys had dinner with another friend at this Italian place called Capri Italy in Defence Colony . I can swear by their thin crust pizzas since I am there almost every week all thanks to M. It is our favourite haunt be it on the rare cool evenings or even the warmer nights because it has this tiny balcony where one can squeeze in and look at the stars while feasting on the yummy bruschetta and gulping down gallons of fresh lime soda and waiting for the bigger treat to come by. Of course it helps that one can smoke outside though M gets exasperated that I don’t smoke anymore saying more often than not she misses smoking with me. Wow now that is definitely a first. :-)

Sunday morning was spent gossiping and Facebook stalking which is muchly missed since the one person I enjoy doing it with the mostest is Batty. Later we were just in time to grab some lunch at DT Promenade and catch the 3:30 show of Shutter Island that quite spooked both of us out. I’d thought it would be one of those run of the mill thrillers until I remembered no Martin Scorcese doesn’t make such cinema and yes it did live up to his reputation. I bought the prettiest lamp from Fab India for my room and yesterday I picked up another smaller one from this store called Mother Earth in CP not to forget the orange and gold chattai that gives my room this orangy and sunshiny glow in the evenings combined with the light of both the lamps. Next on the list is curtains. Sigh!

Oh and I am reading The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and it struck me that Red Head has had a dragon tattoo on her back for years now. Right! :-) I have a phoenix which is relatively new and Mum saw the cover of the book and exclaimed “Oh my God she has one on her back almost like yours. Though yours is prettier.” :-) Hahaha!

Just when I learn how to let things be and move on and try turning the page things come boomeranging back at me. The one who reaches the finishing line first wins. Done deal okie! Yup done deal. No more confusion at all. :-) Yeayyyyyyyy!

“Why did I allow myself to be bored ever in the past and to compensate for it got high or drunk or rages or all the tricks people have because they want anything but serene understanding of just what there is, which is after all so much.”

Jack Kerouac

Do they have radios in heaven? I hope they do.

It has been a year today. One whole year of not having you around in our lives and I still think of you every day, every single fickin’ day. I don’t feel as miserable as I use to that first month and we don’t behave in the same manner as we did when we all took to living in our own make believe worlds with Ma immersing herself in her work and doing up the new house with an unnatural frenzy and me with my obsession over Fuddy Duddy and getting somewhere in life while Nutty who insisted on behaving like all of that never happened. We have all gone through our own cycles and made our own peace or at least I like to believe we have. Ma still misses you immensely and she always will. We can’t change any of that. I knew that all of us have to leave but all I wish is that you’d left in a happier way and not the way you did.

Yes we are way better-off that we were last year. I don’t hold half as many grudges against life and God. Ma does crib and complain every once in a while but they are for different reasons. It isn’t about “Why us?” anymore. Nobody fills up that vacuum which you left and maybe nobody ever will. After all nobody can crack them silly dirrtttyyy jokes like you did and have all of us in splits at the same time. Nobody can be as boisterous as you managing to keep all of us busy throughout the whole day doing just your chores. Nobody will be sitting at the dining table evening after evening irritating Ma with his drunken banter and calling for his daughters if not in person then on the phone.

Everytime I am doing something naughty and not so naughty I think “Damn now you’d be looking at me from up there and know exactly what I am upto.” I swear I kinda think twice before doing the wayward stuff since I am sure you have an idea of what I am doing and would disapprove of the same. Am I stupid or am I not stupid? Like that night in the car and the pushing away happened and I ran away upstairs or everytime I lit a smoke until I quit recently. I hope you are listening to me now. Sigh! Baba you are muchly missed and always will be. Sometimes I can’t believe that I’ll have to live through this entire life and wait for another lifetime to meet you. The wait seems mighty long.