Apr 21, 2010

Neither here nor there no I am happy just being me.

Red Head was in town on Monday and I took half a day off as we spent an afternoon cribbing about the heat, survived an auto ride from hell and a so-so lunch at TGIF and shopped a bit at the mall. The best thing about old friends is that they so get you and you needn’t explain yourself. They know where what is coming from and why is it coming so. It is this comfort level that seems to be so hard to find with newer people and if you are lucky once in a billion blue moons you’d meet someone you can share the same camaraderie with. No I wouldn’t exchange Fino, Red Head, Batty, Mona, Economist, Saggy, Meggy and Tinni with any other people I could have wanted to share my life and times with. :-)

Last Saturday a tipsy me bumped into R after years and that too in Morrisson of all the places. Wow life does come to a full circle. I hugged her happily though she didn’t seem too glad to see me. I could see through her strained smile that no she just didn’t feel the same and she never will. I guess I never expected her to. I am so thankful that I don’t give a damn and stopped giving a damn when we stopped associating with each other. To think that once upon a time my whole life centred around her and her every whim and fancy effected me in some way or the other. R my ex-roomie, someone I have probably had some of the best times of the first quarter of my life, someone I have shared endless laughter, giggles, innumerable bottles of wine. Someone I have cried with, consoled, evolved with and finally walked away from when I couldn’t keep up the pace and someone I have mentioned over and over again in older posts, posts dated 3 years back. No I don’t miss her since I am definitely not the same me anymore and I think she still is the same ‘her’ she use to be. I’d thought that maybe someday we would be able to connect again but I was wrong. Both of us were inebriated yet I could feel the cold vibes. Ah well we win some, we lose some and we move on.

Life teaches us some lessons again and again yet we refuse to learn until we reach the end of the road and we realize that hell if I don’t pay heed to it this time then it’ll only spiral down from here. So I am choosing to learn this lesson. Dear God I so get what you have been trying to tell me for almost the last 10 years of my life. One doesn’t try every good thing (or everything that looks good) that comes along. No I am not gonna try no more. Wow to think Batty and I use to be dreaming of joint holidays and where did we eventually land up? The only holidays I am gonna plan now are with friends. No thank you I‘d never wanna be inside your head. It must be maddening up there, churning out all those strange muddled up colourless thoughts, pining for something you ain’t ever gonna get and playing with somebody else’s mind in the process. Neither here nor there. No I am happy being me.


ricercar said...

"Life teaches us some lessons again and again yet we refuse to learn until we reach the end of the road and we realize that hell if I don’t pay heed to it this time then it’ll only spiral down from here"

i was thinking exactly this just yesterday. but unfortunately i am still groping in the dark as to what the lesson to be learned is

akanksha said...

Nice post full of emotions! With old friends, u really don't need to explain any why, how or whats. They just know :)

Sometimes in life, you walk a while with some characters and you start believing that they will be there with you for lifetime...but then crossroads come sooner or later and your paths change(due to various circumstances or maybe due to differences) and thats what life is about!

Glad that u hugged her, not many people have the courage to look beyond the differences they once had.

Love always,

rakhi said...

Hi. You have a wonderful blog here. And nice heartfelt posts. :) I just wanted to ask where you get these beautiful pictures from? I mean, the paintings at the top of each post. Do you think you could let me know?


akanksha said...

Please leave your email id in the comments of any of my post..Want to invite you to the new blog I've been writing for some time!

The Dude said...

as always its nice to read your posts utopia.
and posts like this I enjoy, friends are the life-blood of us all. Thanks to your post Im now hearing Joe Cocker in my head! :D

as far as the friends you lose connection with, yeah know the feeling, but thats life - you win some you lose some, but you keep at it and hang on to the friends you have and remember the good stuff like you did with R.