Dec 2, 2008
Show Me That Wonders Can Be True
Today is one of the first days when work isn’t that hectic. I have some time to myself. I am supposed to be researching on the procedural issues on forming a company in godforsaken Armenia but I thought I’d blog cos I haven’t done so in a while except for my brief and morose post last week. Looking at my last couple of posts I don’t seem to be in a cheerful frame of mine. Sigh! Guess just one of those phases in life and for once it has nothing to do with the opposite sex heheh! What a relief? Maybe we are finally growing up in life, maybe we are actually learning to put past experiences to use. Or I don’t know maybe its because I was sick of feeling bad about myself and what was, what could have been and ranting and raving about the same thingie to my friends and trying to make myself believe something that never was.
The week that has passed by was tragic and we are still trying to come to terms to what happened in Bombay and the impact it’ll have on our country. I so hope that for once we learn, I so hope we don’t move on without a thought. I hope we aren’t indifferent like we have been in the past. We seem to forget so easily and this time we should not. This should be etched in our minds. We were glued on to the updates on the net in office and it was endless. An English team of lawyers who were at our office for a lunch meeting last Monday for a deal we are working together on got stuck in Taj on the fateful day. The poor old dears lasted 36 hours in that man made hell before the commandos rescued them. We heard the statement they made to BBC and my Boss had tears in his eyes as they described the pitiable state of the people in there and the helplessness that dominated every other feeling.
My life is relatively unexciting now from what it use to be. We have surely come a long long way. I know all of us do but the contrast just seems to be too stark. No more going over the top, no more extreme emotions, no more being choked with unspoken feelings, no more suppressed anger, no more sleep deprived existence. Also I don’t seem to be having too many interactions with new people. I don’t have time and all of us lead different lives. I know its never gonna be like before and tis silly to think it can be. But I had wanted a balanced life. I wish Fino was closer and I could just call her up and say “hey lets go for a drink”. This Friday I so wanted to go to some place where they play nice music and to just sit and head bang and sip my Bloody Mary.
I didn’t want this to be a “I so miss Delhi” post cos I don’t wanna go back to a lot of things and the way it was. But I miss having distractions in my life hahaha! Am I actually saying that? I remember sitting in the High Court canteen early in the morning after a particularly eventful house party that went on a tad bit too late and ended with me howling and running out of the car as the person called me and I refused to listen. I remember crying and crying in my drunken state and Batty Woman and Raddy trying to pacify me but to no avail as I looked at my crying reflection in the mirror and cried some more. I didn’t even know exactly what I was crying about. I am amazed at how I was able to make it to the court next morning hahaha!
I do like this me, this new me that is evolving out of the old one that has been left behind. I am more worldly wise now, I won’t get hurt half as easily now or rather I’ll not let myself get hurt. I am not gonna be walked upon and paid no heed to. I refuse to play second fiddle. But a teeny meeny part of me misses the recklessness and yes sometimes I do miss the insanity that was me.