Sep 11, 2013

I thought you would have made something of your life by now.

Yes I thought I would. Sometimes it feels so late and sometimes it feels like I have only just begun. I want all the time in the world but I don't have that frame of mind anymore. The 24 frame of mind. I am not 24 anymore. Hell I stopped being 24 five years back but that number somehow stuck on to my head. If there was one year I could relive I would want that year to be played again.

I get stuck in this limbo these days when I have bad days and good days and all are directly proportionate to how much reading and studying did I get done and how far have I reached with respect to my research papers. I know I am not the first one to go to Grad School but this feels like a tremendous burden. It does.

Some days I can't wait to head back home and some days I wish I could  go live and work in a different country. Mixed emotions.

Last week I was religiously recording my Public International Law lectures on my phone and laptop so that I could go back home and listen to it within the quiet confines of my room. I still haven't gotten down to doing that though.

Thursday evenings are date nights with two of my girls at Orchard Road. First I meet R and jabber about the world and exchange gossip regarding school friends and eat lots of yummy food of the fattening variety and console ourselves saying 'we lead such active lives here as opposed to India. It'll all get burnt with all the walking' followed by my session with P when we drink coffee and complain about our lives and various people and we are so nasty and unforgiving I must say.

Studying interspersed with smoke breaks with interesting people doesn't help. They distract you so no more silly little smoke breaks and no more downloading lovely music while reading. Yet again I only keep listening to the song on a loop and the article gets wiped off my brain and all I am left with is a couple of ridiculous lyrics of random songs floating in my subconscious mind which is anyways devoid of any sense.

So when is a good time to stop reading and begin writing? Seriously? Somebody please tell me. Hmmmphhhh!

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