Oct 14, 2011

And I miss you

  A very dear friend of mine and I were talking about wedding preps when she mentioned how her Dad is going berserk planning the bash and how he isn’t leaving any stone unturned to ensure that he gives his daughter the wedding of a lifetime when I couldn’t help but think about Baba. I wonder how it would have been if he’d been alive now. All three of us wouldn’t have been chewing our nails as much as we are doing so now besides just having him around would have made a world of difference. The family still feels empty without him. We aren’t a whole unit anymore. This isn’t even about missing him just because I am getting married but the fact that I miss him at the strangest of times. I see pictures of families and see the loving Fathers and it hits me that Baba isn’t going to be there on one of the most important days of my life and all other important days for the rest of my life.
An Uncle  passed away recently, just a day after I landed in Cal and inadvertently I found myself at the burning ghats that evening and it brought back all the memories of the one and only time I had been there two years back to light Baba’s funeral pyre. I remember how much in control of the situation I was until the time came to light the pyre and that is when I couldn’t get myself to do the task until I forcefully closed my eyes and somebody made me light the pyre and I did it all with my eyes closed. I couldn’t bear saying goodbye to my Father in this fashion. None of us can when we lose our near and dear ones. And to think Life still goes on and on. There was happiness and life before and then there was death and a funeral and now there is gonna be a wedding and celebrations. It still feels hollow inside some corner of my heart without Baba like the evening I got engaged I asked one of our family friends Raj uncle, who was a very good friend of Baba, if Baba had been there how it would have been and he said that Baba would still be watching over me from somewhere up there and he is there in spirit. I hope he is.

1 comment:

Pesto Sauce said...

Reading your post remnds me of my own father's loss. I too will get married sometime but not having your parent around sucks real bad

And don't even talk about funeral, it still brings about bad memories