Where I am now will we ever be again?

The mantra of my life should be “Thou shall not crib if thou lives in Dwarka.” I am trying, I am trying, I promise I am trying. I am one of those people who embrace change at the first go only to resist it the very next step and fight it every inch of the way until there is no way but to make do with it and finally revel in it. Now that is what is happening cos every day I seem to hate my room and my living conditions a little lesser. Damn we are so conducive to change is it or are is it just the way we humans are born to adapt and survive in different environments and I know how much I have cried and complained about living over here and how I don’t have a life and how it is practically impossible to live in this ‘almost village’ without a car. Last evening I finally took the plunge and after a meeting in CP decided to drop by a friend’s place in Saket. My Bosses and my colleague asked me if I was sure and how was I gonna head back later at night and I said I’ll manage. I had to get out and I can’t just go to office and come back home for the rest of my days over here cos then I’ll definitely get a teeny meeny bit mad with other ancillary effects that shall start showing later. I am so glad I met up with Diya and was nice hanging around with her after a while. We’ve only ever hung around in Calcutta cos I was in Pune for college and she was in Delhi. Now it just so happened that I am back here while she has been around here ever since I left Delhi the last time. The bottom line being I am feeling happier and it is a comforting feeling knowing she isn’t gonna be leaving anytime soon. Batty is going and that is something I don’t wanna be writing too much about because I’ll feel miserable and I do not wanna dwell on that. We all have our different paths in life to take and that is the way it is supposed to be. 
Sometimes I tell myself okay you like the work, the office, the people, so what if it is in the middle of wilderness and yes it isn’t exactly what you were looking for but who knows where you land up eventually so make the best of this. I am here today but maybe I'll never be here again. Maybe this isn’t even remotely close to where you wanted to be but one seldom lands up in the exact place where you wanted to be and when you do it isn’t necessarily like what you imagined it to be. Gawd I am talking gibberish am I? So I bumped into the Bean Pole the other day at my neighborhood market and I was surprised since we were supposed to meet up the same day and not accidentally bump into each other. He and S live a stone’s throw away from my place, almost walking distance and 3 years back I would have given an arm and a leg to live where I am living today. Do we ever get what we want when we want? I don’t think so. These guys use to be my best buddies a couple of years back until we all went our separate ways and suddenly all of us have landed up so close to one another again. Hmmmmm……
This morning on the way to work in the office bus I was actually singing along to “Shimmer” playing on my MP3 player. Damn I know what this means. This means I am gonna be getting use to this place and I’ll settle down slowly and steadily very soon I’ll be quite content with everything until, well until I get that itch to move away again and then God help me. Heheheh!

Winter

This winter come home to a damp, musty room, leaky loos and paint peeling off the walls.
This winter come home to a mini blower that refuses to emit air above a particular temperature due to the low voltage problems in your house.
This winter come home to a cantankerous old Uncle and his insipid daughter who insist on using the most fugly smelling incense sticks at home that your home just doesn’t smell like home, it doesn’t smell of you.
This winter get use to waking up at 7 in the freezing cold mornings to take a shower and rushing out of the house only to be greeted by dense fog that even the person standing next to you at the bus stop seems invisible.
This winter come home to a luxury less home and keep wondering what the hell did I do and what choices did I make for me to land up over here ?
This winter get use to endless chains of e-mails and correspondence even if by the end of it they don't turn out to be the reality you want it to be.
This winter get use to living without Batty in Delhi cos she got a job in Bombay and isn’t gonna be around.
This winter get use to living in and being stuck at the most god forsaken part of town.
This winter you finally bite the bullet and decide to buy a car.

Ten Million Fireflies Are Here Cause I Hate Good Byesss

Yes , yes I have a “Fireflies” hangover but biggest of all I have a December hangover and that is really strange cos the last couple of Decembers have been the worst periods of the year for me. I remember December 2005 when I was on a family holiday to the gorgeus Andamans but in a miserable mood and yes heartbroken. Oh gawd I am so predictable. Ain’t I? Hehehe! I remember walking down the beautiful beaches on Havelock island listening to “Aadat” sung by that Pakistani band called Jal and trying desperately to cheer myself up and only ending up in tears more often that I should have. I can laugh at my melodramatic antics now really. I mean how could I be as silly as I was then?
December 2006 too I was in Chennai back from a disastrous yet funny trip to Bangalore. I was kinda disappointed yet again but Batty and I had managed to see humour even in that. I had the most pathetic New Years eve as I sat along quietly with bunch of kids and Uncles and Aunties and welcomed New Year as sedately and soberly as one could while people the world over got drunk in Goa, Ibiza, Bali etc etc.
December 2007 was a Delhi winter for me and was so worrisome especially cos I lost an official file 2 days before 31st December and couldn’t sleep for a week. I drove all my friends up the wall constantly cribbing, crying and thinking there goes my job. Thankfully the file was found almost miraculously at the same place where I left it but not before half my hair turned grey. Nevertheless December 2007 shall always be “the December I lost the file” for me. I also remember the farmhouse party at Chattarpur with Akku, Atti and Radhieka. I was wearing this black and white dress of Aben’s and Akku and I got super duper drunk cos it was freezing and we were desperately trying to make space for ourselves around the open fires. I remember the drunk dialing and feeling stupid next day in the morning.
December 2008 was lots of fun since Redhead got married and I made a trip to Delhi and Chandigarh for the wedding. My behavior however had unfortunate consequences on my social life as I managed messing up quite a bit and pissing of some very close friends. Sigh! That was a lesson learnt. Now a year later I can safely say that I shall never ever behave in the same manner again. Hence the rest of last December was just spent howling and loosing sleep and even when Batty came down to Bangalore for a week I would go on and on about the same thing. But yeah it was lovely hanging around with Batty, Fino, the Economist that last week of December. I remember the fried pork at Koshy’s, the smell of the dusty books at Blossoms as Batty and I went berserk on our book shopping spree and I also remember the chocolate shake the Economist had that same afternoon from that one particular vendor he loves having it from on St Marks road. Please correct me if I am wrong Economist.
December 2009 has been different, happy different, refreshing different and full of surprises. I was on a month long break and I have been home spending a lot of time with loved ones. Yeah I quit my 4 month old job this December and sat at home one whole month lazing around. When I look back to this December I’ll remember the cherry blossom tattoo, the long lazy winter lunch in the middle of the week, the breakfast at Flury’s with sister on Christmas Eve and smoking at “The Bridge” and acting surprised cos you knowingly bumped into someone heheh! I’ll remember the Christmas lunch with Mum and sister at the Flavours of China, catching a sad movie (De Dana Dan) together yet again, the LIIT at Roxy, playing Tombola with a bunch of adorable people including the cutest 9 year old I know, taking the car out for the first time all alone and the thrill one felt as the cold wind hit my face, having a glass of wine and a piece of cake with Mommy at the stroke of the midnight hour on 31st December and yes the whole world was out there partying and getting drunk but for Batty and me. Not to forget the sigh of relief and thanking god that this year, the worst in my life is over and we survived it. Here’s a toast for better times to come and here’s hoping there shall be many more hullos and lesser good byes and yes this December shall play on my mind for a long long time to come. :-)

I'm alive...

I am 26 years old and till a week back I hadn't driven anything on 4 wheels ever in my whole life. However when I took the car out for a spin this morning all alone for the first time I got the biggest kick I'd gotten for the longest time. Hmmmmm.....how do I explain? Its like one of those lists one has of things one feels one can never do. Driving was number 2 on the list. Number 1 is yet to happen though now I feel it never will and hence I don't wanna talk about it and jinx it. Wonder of wonders driving isn't half as hard as I thought it would be and honestly I didn't have a clue how to go about it and my first driving class was a nightmare. After the third day I decided to take the car out in the compound and of course banged the first car within the line of sight and felt mighty foolish. Thankfully it was a slight crash and it did not deter me as I went about trying to get comfortable with the vehicle even if my heart was in my mouth every single time a mini-bus almost brushed past by or the giant trucks over took my tiny little car out of nowhere not to forget the pedestrians who believe it is their birthright to walk right in the middle of the main roads. Yeah my sister gave it off to me for feeling overconfident and it was anything but overconfidence. I only wanted to face my worst demons and if that meant blocking all the fear and focussing just on the steering wheel then be it. Yeayyyyyyyyyyy! I get to give my driving test hopefully before I leave for Delhi and me shall have a license very soon and maybe my very own car before the end of this year.

Since this is the first day of the year I guess I am supposed to talk about new year resolutions. Sigh! I have very few this year and the first and foremost being I wanna live each day as if it were my last day. I think I have spent too much time cribbing over the most inane matters, people, fears. Naaaaa life is too short to be making any lists especially for the likes of me. No lists for me please. :-) I am gonna live for me and the people who matter to me and to whom I matter to this year. Happy New Year to me. :-)