I wish cleaning up my cupboard could amount to cleaning up my mind

I am a bad bad girl. I am supposed to be working on some environmental legislations that are oh so monotonous and that do not inspire me at all to wanna work so here I am blogging. Please pardon me if the blog post in its entirety does not make sense. I have all these thoughts floating my mind and I am planning on penning it down even if it ends up sounding a lil disjointed. Sigh! It takes an hour and a half of travel each day to reach work that includes travelling by a cab, then shared cab that we call “shuttles” over here and then probably an auto. I am exhausted by the end of it or maybe it is just a mental block. The only incentive being I get to listen to a lot of music and I come across a variety of people. For instance the other day when a complete junkie got on to the cab with his bag and baggage that included his tattered backpack and a guitar. He looked soooo doped out and lost in his frayed jeans and faded tee and I did wanna make a conversation with him but for the prim and proper office going crowd sitting in the cab who’d think I must be a wee bit crazy wanting to talk to him.  He was in one word “so college going pune hippie types” the kinds we have spent hours smoking up with and singing along with and even been attracted to once upon a time.
I even got on to some cab the other day thinking it’s a shared cab only to realize it was actually owned by some factory and they were transporting goods across the city. I got a lift till my destination since it was on the way only to be shouted at later by my Miss lemony Pie saying “How could you take a lift from a bunch of factory workers?” I didn’t know what to say. They looked perfectly harmless besides I didn’t know that it wasn’t a cab and I saved 15 bucks. Ok that is a lame one. In future I plan to be more careful.
I am so so confused these days about a variety of things. I have stopped thinking or at least I try to. Oh and my sister drives while I don’t and I do feel like quite the looser to be honest about it. Last night I really wanted a smoke so we went downstairs on the pretext of an after dinner walk and I made her drive me down to Park Street to pick up smokes. Hmmmmm!
Last evening Ma and I finally got down to using the new oven and we tried our hand at cooking a stuffed roast chicken. To our utter disbelief after reading and re-reading the manuals we made a half cooked roast that had to be set aside for some normal dal chawal. I remember different days when I could dish out a divine roast. I just do not feel inspired any longer and I don’t want it to be like this. I want that zest for life again. I want that pep and that extra zing in me. I wonder where all of that went. So many times I feel like hell I am just wasting time waiting for the rest of my life to begin when today is all I have and I don’t want this to go for me to realize this is gone too. I don’t even feel like exercising anymore. This is not the way it is supposed to be. What is this and what have I become? I am so negative that I could make a living out of the negativity. This post wasn’t meant to sound bitter. Hmphhhhh! Can we move on to happier things please? :-)
I cleaned my cupboard after eeons yesterday and arranged every piece of clothing systematically, in its rightful place and it did a world of good to my peace of mind. Does that sound strange? It is the same satisfaction I get at work after sorting out my “Desktop” and putting all the files in proper folders, neatly named, renamed for my convenience. I wish cleaning up my cupboard could amount to cleaning up my mind and my life too. Wishful thinking indeed.