To all those candy floss dreams woven years back...

So the server in office is down and I have absolutely nothing to do. I can’t even pretend that I am working and read the New York Times on the sly like I do very often. ;-) Thought I’d blog so here I am. Last week was eventful as we finally shifted to our new apartment and that was a gargantuan effort on our part. Mum, Sis and I were exhausted by the end of it and the sight of the entire unpacked luggage made me wanna cry. I couldn’t move an inch after all the packing, unpacking and drifted into a state of dreamless sleep. Though I do love the new place and the best part being that it is on the 10th floor and we get a splendid view of the city not to forget all the noise of course that comes along with shifting into the heart of the city literally from a relatively peaceful corner.
The job hunt is dragging along and within a span of two days I bugged enough people across the country for something to materialize in the near future hopefully. Sometimes though I wonder when, how, where and then I am like “Shooooo! Don’t think about it.” Digressing from the topic but Fino has told me to completely stop obsessing over wanting to be with someone or waiting for the one and yada yada yada! It is easier said than done man cos even if I am busy working all day or even if I am at home chilling with Mum or studying peacefully and even if I jabber twenty four seven on the phone but when I am alone at night before sleeping I wanna talk to someone and it could be about anything be it something as debatable as foreign invaders destroying Indian temples ( yes I had such a conversation late last night) or something as inane as “how was your day and how was work or how bored were you”? The latter has actually become a habit now and it is a bad bad habit I say.
Okie so I finished reading “Eat, Pray, Love” two weeks back and maybe cos I was in the state of mind I was or maybe my thinking was on the same lines at that point of time but in someways I could so relate to her angst. No wonder women around the world have been recommending this book. I know it isn’t the best piece of writing doing rounds these days and at the end of the day it is just superior chick lit but hell its damn good chick lit I say and better than the “Shopaholic Series” though yes Becky Bloomwood was endearing too what with her over the top spendthrift ways and her weakness for Denny & George scarves. Sigh! This reminds me that I made the cardinal mistake of handing “ A Shopaholic’s Confession” to my Mum on the train Journey to Chennai and oh my god she drew complete parallels between Becky’s insatiable appetite for shopping and my offbeat shopping habits. She’d keep giggling and reading the passages out aloud saying “Oh my Gawd that’s soooo you. Oh my Gawd that’s how you picked up all that stuff.” No I am not a shopaholic at all but I am an impulsive buyer and that’s what ran me into some huge debts a couple of years back. ;-)
Oh I completely forgot to mention that She is getting married and the description of her “Roka” album on Facebook was something along the lines of “ I finally found someone just as psycho as me” hahaha! I couldn’t stop laughing cos only She will say something as neurotic as that on a public forum. Apparently she and I hadn’t cumulatively together thought that something like this would happen to her but it did. Yeayyyyy! So my congratulations to the couple and God bless you both and lots of lauuuu womannn! Here’s to all those candy floss dreams woven years back. 

And Maybe I Missed the Bus....

I have been frantically job hunting last couple of weeks. Hmmmmm! It is such a tedious process begging people to give you so and so’s number or so and so’s e-mail ID and then mail them and introduce yourself and beg some more. I hate this begging game. But then such is this world. This job hunt sometimes is all about how well you beg baby. I am also right in the middle of shifting offices and houses simultaneously. What luck that the new apartment gets ready the same week the furnishings in the new office are completed. Though this new office is gonna be far far away and travelling is gonna be quite a problem.  Hmphhhhhh!
I keep looking all over the country for jobs though I am hoping Delhi works out while heart of hearts I wanna go to Bangalore. But the only incentive for both would be a good job only yes. I promise I don’t wanna land up in certain cities for specific people but of course that would definitely be a cherry on the cake hehehe! Come on I am being honest atleast. My mind is always wandering these days. Sometimes when I look at overachievers it hits me that damn maybe I missed that bus a while back but its never too late is it to make the best out of what we have and dream a new dream.
When I try opening those books in the evening and settle my mind and concentrate on what the printed word is saying there is this sense of power and hope that comes out of nowhere. I know I probably didn’t get down to doing exactly what I wanted to but I can try this wholeheartedly and see where this takes me. No more long term planning please. This is gonna one day at a time, one day at a time. Even one day doesn’t seem to be as easy as I made it out to be. My mind is a veritable maze of thoughts, all higgledy piggledy and I wish I could sieve through them and cast all the negativity away.
I snapped out of something recently. Lets call it a distraction that saw me through a rough patch. But then I guess it assumed gigantic proportions and wasn’t fun anymore and even if I knew exactly where I was going wrong I wouldn’t do anything to rectify my aberration. It took one 10 minute conversation for me to realize that I see you exactly for what you are and I am not gonna be deluding myself any longer. I realize each day that only when I think I deserve more shall I actually get more. Till then I can keep fooling myself and be happy with whatever little scraps I get. Am I talking in riddles or not? Hehehe! I am not gonna be waiting for the wrong train in the wrong station this time. Period! The bottom line being baby if you are as stingy as you are then I am just not that into you. Sowwiee!

I Have Come Undone....

I have wanted to pen a post down for so long but just couldn’t get myself to even start typing. My laptop at home sucks and I mean it. How I wish I could get that shiny new thing that excited me to no end two years back. Sigh! Anyways so we took that long awaited break that I had been looking forward to for the longest time and can I please say it didn’t live up to my expectation, Batty’s expectation and both our expectations cumulatively. I don’t even know what this trip was all about. Yes I had planned it out cos I wanted to be spending time with family in Chennai and friends in Bangalore. At the end it just turned out to be some bizarre waiting game where one just kept waiting for the phone to ring and the plans to be made and until then life just came to a standstill. Batty’s bud day was lots of fun though. We were at Zarah with Giant, Batty’s brother and her friends and Batty and I got happy high on pitchers of Sangria. I don’t remember my glass being empty for even a split second as the wine flowed endlessly and not to forget the pungent taste of the fruits. Hmmmmmm! We got lost on the way back home as a cute junior of Giant’s from college was dropping us and I was too drunk to comprehend that he had in fact gotten us to the right road. Moreover it was really dark and I was palpitating cos Mum had started with her SOS calls. I ran helter-skelter with this huge box of cake in my hand until I made him retrace his route back and finally found my house. I have no idea how we made such interesting conversation with my Mum and Aunt in our inebriated state. The whole evening was discussed and so were our existing/non-existent love lives. On second thoughts I believe they just turned a blind eye to our drunkenness.
A day later we were on our way to Bangalore and Batty was travelling un-reserved. My brilliant idea and of course hats off to her for readily agreeing to travel on such a short notice. We were up at 5 in the morning as we had to stand in the long queue for buying the unreserved ticket that came for all of 80 bucks. If it’s a short distance may I suggest travelling unreserved ain’t all that bad especially if you have the good fortune of encountering a kind TT who indulges you with a seat in the AC compartment as long as you beg and plead and make big big eyes saying “ My friend is a student Sir and this assignment came up and have to rush back to college.” Hahaha! It didn’t seem like I had left Bangalore 4 months back. For a moment I felt I never left. The first night we guys were at Cirrus meeting a friend and to top it all my sister was a lil tipsy and spoke non-stop much to my embarrassment. Though I think my friend was plain amused with her as she told him one funny story after the other about me hahah! The next day was spent lazing around, lunching at La Vigna and later at night I met up with Meggy and the Economist’s brother at Take 5. By then Batty and I were on our own lil trips. I was in a bad mood for whatever reason though I was trying so hard to get out of it while I am convinced some of that rubbed off on Batty who also turned sullen. In fact on Sunday everybody around us including us fought. Sigh! I think there was something in the stars when you plan out something so excitedly and happily and yet nothing falls into place. Though it was lovely spending time with Saggy and Richa. My old house had turned into one open house with us parking our asses there besides Hazel Eyes too who refused to budge an inch out of the house throughout the weekend. We were one merry bunch yet I was sooooo lost in my own quagmire of thoughts.
In some ways we were only too happy when the three days ended and we were back In Chennai. I got time to think, ponder. Sometimes I don’t wanna think as much as I do. I don’t wanna think at all. So I am back home and back to my boring old job. I miss Batty, miss Saggy, miss Chennai, miss my sister and suddenly it feels like I have nothing to look forward to. What now???????? Oh did I mention that all of a sudden I seem to have surrounded myself with self help books and they only make sense as long as I am reading them and after a while its back to square one. Hmphhhhhhh! Plus I finished reading the most depressing book of all called “ She Has Come Undone” by Wally Lamb and with God as my witness in the process me thinks I came undone and had such outlandish thoughts in my head. I definitely suffer from the after effects of having an overactive imagination. Pssstttttttttt! I should just shoooo those thoughts away.

"I think... the secret is to just settle for the shape of your life takes...Instead of you know, always waiting and wishing for what might make you happy."

Wally Lamb(She's Come Undone)