For You A Thousand Times Over

I cry at the strangest of times. Sometimes the tears come when I am talking to her on the phone and I can hear her voice choke with emotions or sometimes late evening when I am braindead, not being able to make any sense out of the jumble of words in front of my eyes and reality hits me that you ain't gonna be around. I'd thought you'd be there at my wedding ( whenever it would be with whosoever) bickering and bantering with her for the smallest of things, loosing your cool at the drop of a hat but still putting on a smiling face in the evening when the guests came in and you got high on a couple of pegs of Old Monk. I'd thought you would be there when I became a mother and you held your first grandchild in your arms with that confused but gleeful expression on your face just like the time when you first held a squeeling, 5 day me.

I'd thought you'd be around when Nutty and I did exceeding well for ourselves and you would never acknowledge it but be proud of his two daughters secretly. I'd thought someday when I can afford it I would get you that watch you always wanted. I'd thought a lot of things but never thought it would be ending this way. Sometimes I ask God to take whats mine and give it to you. I really do. For you a thousand times over, yeah a thousand times over.....