And I get lost every now and then ...

We got lost the other night. Batty Woman and I, we were on our way back from Mr. Eccentric’s engagement from the Airforce Station at Dhaula Kuan. I had thought I wouldn’t go for it cos it was gonna be a close family affair and I was surprised that he insisted I come just when I made up my mind that maybe I should give it a rain check what with the rain gods deciding to be overtly gracious and Dhaula Kuan seeming to be too far. But when he said “ No girl, this isn’t done. You have to come. You could get somebody along.” I changed my mind and who would possibly come with me but Batty Woman? We are almost inseparable and tis gonna be quite odd not having someone to do everything with you all the time. It was almost 6 in the evening when we realised we have an engagement to attend at 7:30 and we realised we don’t have suitable attire for it. I mean yeah I have some 30 pairs of salwar kameezes but thats all office wear and come to think of it in the recent years I haven’t been attending too many nuptials and I am not a Punjaabi whose wardrobe is perennially well equipped to handle weddings and the likes of it. I mean we do know how famous Punjabbi weddings are and the pomp and splendour that have come to be synonymous with it. After a lot of mixing and matching we settled down for pretty kurtas and jeans and I know it sounds so ill suited for the occasion but one has to realise that it was pouring buckets that evening and we had to drive down half the way across the city. We found our way to the Airforce Station all thanks to Funny Boy who directed us all the way from South Ex to Dhaula Kuan. We reached the venue only to be told by Mr. Eccentric hadn’t reached as yet and he had also specified that nobody I knew would be there. We smoked a cigarette in the car, spoke on the phone to Red Head for a bit until we decided to take the final plunge thinking how the hell does it matter, we are gonna go in and help ourselves to a drink and some food. Thats exactly what we did. We ate Veg Canapes, tikkas, chilly chicken and other delicious starters. Batty Woman couldn’t have enough of those tiny canapés filled with some stuffing made of baby corn and mushrooms. We gorged on the snacks and after the initial hesitation of not wanting to be the only women seen at the bar we shed all our inhibitions and asked for drinks from the bartender one after the other. There were so many of my clan around. I whispered to Batty Woman that if and when I do get married you’d find similar extended family for my wedding too. I could hear them talk in my mother tongue and I’d keep my mouth shut not wanting them to realise our origins are the same. Me thinks Batty Woman was secretly planning her own wedding to the Giant but she’d never agree to the same.

I did get a teeny meeny bit tipsy but it was evident only to Batty Woman cos we lost our way back home and had to call up Funny Boy again and she gave it off to me saying if not fro my drunkenness we would have been back home earlier cos I was supposed to know the way. So I come back home and as customary of me I don’t talk. When I am pissed I don’t talk. I am silent. Thats me. I can keep on being cordial as if everything is the way it should be yet be cold and people who know me well would figure there is something wrong with me. I know I probably shouldn’t have had as many drinks as I did but I’d thought the way back home wouldn’t be as much of a puzzle it turned out to be. We had a teeny meeny tiff when Batty Woman tried to talk to me and I said we’ll be fine tomorrow in the morning but then I so love her for wanting to talk this out cos I am not too good at sorting things out verbally. I always hope that things fall into place and many a times they don’t, they just don’t. Sometimes I do question if I gave up too easily with certain people in my life, if I should have been persuasive and spoken things out aloud. It is not that I don’t voice my concerns at all. I do try to talk it straight but sometimes I think it is so useless. Anyways we had a tearful reunion in her loo and next day in the morning we were so embarrassed at ourselves, to have reacted as melodramatically as we did. Sigh! I am embarrassed even writing about it right now. Think we just need an excuse to shed some tears.

I was sulking for the silliest of reasons last week sometime and I heard just what I needed to hear when someone said “ You are gonna be sitting around, looking for answers even when you are 55 years old cos you’ll never hear what you wanna hear. It has been one whole year now P, face it ___ neva loved you and that is the truth. Nobody will live up to his picture in your mind and you’ll keep comparing every man to him. There isn’t gonna be someone identical like him but there will be somebody different.” That was so true. I am merry and chirpy for days altogether until one hint of S in a conversation or some friend will bump into him somewhere and call me up and relate the conversation to me and there I am back again, down in the dumps. Wish I wasn’t a love sick looney hehehe! We had this “what if” conversation last evening while gallivanting through M Block market and Batty Woman and I tried to imagine what life would have been if we hadn’t taken the decisions we chose to take. We would have been in different places leading different lives and it struck us that damn no we love where we are today and wouldn’t want it any other way.Besides right now I like the way my life is shaping out, I like the bend in the road though I have no idea what is it gonna be right around the corner. It is gonna be a lot of fun, yup I am sure it is.