Jul 24, 2007

HAPPENSTANCE


She didn’t know what changed in her that day. Now when she looked back it dawned upon her how her dreams started taking substantial shape from their nebulous existence sometime that evening in the midst of meeting a stranger after more than a decade. She found the trail to the air castle her thoughts kept building. Things began to seem more crystal clear; goals became more concrete, milestones more important, the path to get there a little more visible. The mirage that he’d be there waiting for her at the end of the road just so that they could be fellow travelers sometime in this journey was her sun beam on dreary days, days when everything went wrong, silly misunderstandings, fights, failed deadlines, mayhem everywhere.

They kept in touch rather sparsely, but rarely were they not in touch. In some way or the other she’d know what was happening in his life. Long periods of silence were interspersed with a “Hi” one day or a “Hullo” a month after. When she’d want to feel close to him she would read his blog that were reflections of his thoughts over the years. His writing made her laugh, cry, giggle and sigh. She almost forgot his presence but then he’d appear out of nowhere almost magically and fill every nook and cranny of her being like never before. A midnight conversation with him made her cup runneth over and for days after she’d be smiling secretly to herself. Smithreens of his words kept coming back to her mind.

“Okie we won’t ever talk about this again. Try and forget that anything ever happened. I’ll try and forget too.”
“ Where are you when I need to hug you the most?”
“ Just when you think there is no one better, someone comes along and sweeps you off your feet all over again. There is only one soul mate though and that’s the one you should be looking for.”
“Can you cook? Oh you can. What a comforting thought.”

Childhood memories of him would resurface at the oddest moments. Like the night she stood at her window looking at the moon to be reminded of a moonlit night years and years ago when they had gone to the fair together, the smell of smoke in the air and their childish banter as they sat on the lone two-wheeler in the parking lot. How they had fought all the way during that journey when they’d gone with their families visiting their Dads at the base and how their Mums had to keep both of them away from each other as they nearly ripped each other apart. The hours and hours spent playing Houses and she could almost hear his boyish voice teasing the little girl she had been.

She closed her eyes and saw the man the boy had become, the man with whom she had shared fleeting moments of enchantment, the man she would never meet again. She’d never tell and he’d never know.

“I closed my eyes and the world dropped dead.
I think I made you up inside my head.”

9 comments:

Evil Spock said...

You're like in my head, and its spooky. Get out!

Renovatio said...

I know exactly what you mean. Word for lost word, thought for lost thought. Don't give up on it, he's right, there is that one.

She said...

Cheers to Plath woman..you give a whole new meaning to her words. I love it!

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

why would she not meet him again? It kind of leaves the reader hanging... :(

Any elaborations?

Viks said...

This reminds of an amazing Instrumental. You can google it, I think.

Song: Alexandra by Dr. Draw

All you have to do is listen to it and you'd know what I mean.

utopia said...

evilspock i seem to be stalking ur thoughts, i'll try not to ;). shall try writing only about politics. thats seems like a more viable option ;).

renovation think i stopped believing in soul mates a while back. thanks for dropping by :).

She i love sylvia plath's poetry. thats from "a mad girl's love song". hope u checked out the link i sent ya.

Raaji she won't meet him again cos of circumstances and at the risk of sounding cliche cos life's a bitch and he is one of the biggest fools she knows.

Viks i'll google and check it out. thanks :)

Ricercar said...

v nice. really good :)

Arun said...

wow.. magical painting. I love Jacarandas, and loved this painting all the more. Too beautiful..

Anansi said...

carrying the weight of two people inside your head is just too much work after a while... though i could identify with this post a lot.