Jul 27, 2007

Daddy, Lover, Bastard

 Disclaimer: This is strictly a piece of fiction. Has no resemblance whatsoever to my life.
She didn't wanna go home. As the day went by the shadows loomed past as if stalking her with their darkness. Blackness spread its tiny claws around her delicate neck. What the night would bring terrified her.

" I wish I could stay back in school."
" I wish I could play hide and seek with Sasha."

She hadn't been able to play hide and seek with Sasha . It scared her. Closed , dark places reminded her of the nights, the endless nights, suffocated her thoughts with the bad dreams she had promised not to tell anyone ever.

" I wish I could see the blues, the oranges, the pinks and the lilacs like Sasha always did."
Lilac was her favourite colour.
" Why does it all seem colourless?"
" why does everything resemble grey?"
" Mommy why are you gone for such long long times?"

The school bell rings and with every chime of the bell the sense of doom grows closer and closer. Daddy picks her up from school.

" Baby see what I got for you." She turns around to see the doll starring back at her, it had lovely golden hair and was wearing a satin dress with satin slippers. She takes it from him and turns away to look out of the window listlessly. In the confines of her room, all alone she strips the doll of the pretty dress, tears it away viciously, the tiny satin slippers are cut into bits and pieces with nail scissors and the doll is hidden away to the back of her toy cupboard that she rarely opens these days. The clock strikes 12 and the candle light has illuminated her corner of the bed, where she awaits him. He comes each night, night after night.

"Where are you Mommy?"
He says she will be punished if she doesn't do what he asks her to do. He commands her not to breathe a word of this to any soul she knows. He tells her that if she does so then they will think she is a wicked girl.He curses her and calls her names when she doesn't pay heed to his instructions.

" Why does he do this to me?"

" Why can't I tell Mommy about this?"

" I feel dirty from inside."

Knock Knock! Its him. She stands up as she hears the creak of the hinges. She can see his sooty profile against the ebony of the night.

" Little girl its me. "
She stays rooted to the spot.

" We are gonna have ever so much fun." He whispers softly as the shivers run down her spine.
"Open your damn clothes." He hisses like a viper into her ears.

She nods silently and mechanically opens one button of her nightdress after the other.

" Why do you look scared you conniving little whore?" He says with a glint in his eyes and they widen as they watch her undress.

" You revel in this as much as I do.Don't you look at me with that holier than thou look. You'll do exactly what I want you to do. Do you understand that?" He screams aloud.

" Yes I do Daddy."

" Come closer. I want to feel that silken skin of yours against mine."

He feels her, touches her all over, devours her life out of her.

" Why would my very own Daddy do this to me?"

" Why oh why does my Daddy hurt me so much?"

" Fucking bitch. Seducing me with her innocence. She thinks I can't comprehend the desire in her eyes. She made me do this to her. I'll wring that tender neck of hers lifeless like the way she treats those dolls I get her everytime ."
She can't breathe, she closes her eyes and tries to imagine she she was somewhere else. She saw the blues, the oranges, the pinks and the lilacs again. She tries to reach out to them but like each time they vanish.

The sound of running footsteps on the staircase. Someone is coming.

" Hide, hide, hide Daddy."

Silence and the door opens, bright blinding starlight, sunshine amidst the dark dark night. Mommy takes her away covering her wounds with a sheet and the veil is lifted.

She saw the blues, the pinks, the lilacs again.

Lilac her favourite colour.

But she never saw him again, never saw her Daddy, her lover, the bastard.


She said...

Scary stuff Utopia!! sick and scary!! i dont know how and why you come up with these things..we have enough warped souls in this worl anway, I dont want to lose a happy one to the Dark Side!!

slaintesurvivors said...

OH MY GOD, i couldn't agree more with 'she'!you have got to take it easy with the plath/newspaper influence ;)

Princess Banter said...

That was morbid, very dark -- yet very well written. You are one very gifted writer as you can take the imagery and plant it on your readers minds... hence, all those comments you've received by far ;) Unlike them, I appreciated it as a form of literature. I think it was deliciously painful and gory... and the darkness was music in the background :)

slaintesurvivors said...

haha, ooops, we are just her concerned friends :)Of course, it is the creativity of the writer alone and all credit goes out to you for making us wince :)

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

oh god, I just want to weep right now.
Its an awesome piece of writing... so true... so real.

utopia said...

She its just a story, figment of my imagination so no you ain't about to loose me to the Dark Lord heheh!

Slaintes Survivor yup maybe tis just the Plath influence heheeh!

Princess Banter thank you. I am glad I could create that imagery with my words in someone's mind.

Raaji thanks and yeah this is happening in a lot more than we would like to think that it is. Thats the tragedy of it.

Pri said...

read a lot of such things...its a pity it goes on...makes u feel sick in the gut!
but very well written i must say...
keep up the good work! :)

Sam said...

It's dark.. well.. potrayed... and I guess true for s many little girls and at times boys out there!! A social disease... but if parents are th ones turning on them.. wonder whom they'd run to??

Evil Spock said...

That was really good. I haven't followed your blog for very long, but I'm glad I found ya.

Ekta said...

oh damn...that was morbid!....just reading that gave me goosepimples...so many little girls have actually gone thru that and wonder how they go thru it...God bless them!

utopia said...

thank you everybody. was my first attempt in writing something different from the rainbows and sunshine stuff that seem to dominate my thougths :)

Dream catcher said...

yucky!! made me vomit..even though its hard n harsh realities..but utopia..
well aaarrgggh!!!!!

Renovatio said...

Where do you think the utopia comes from. It's from the balance. The deep gray sun shine. That's utopia, and I'm only just seeing it myself. But I can't reach it, oh not yet, nor can you... We've all got a whole lot to do yet. Oh, so much we've got to do yet.

Medhini said...

I had read Lolita, a long time ago. And I reacted to to your post the same as I had reacted to lolita. Shocking, outlandish but beautifully written.

Anonymous said...

being a survivor of CSA and adult sexual abuse of different kind I must say the dark writing did come out very well, bringing out the pain which seems so hard to show the world... great work

utopia said...

renovatio i am happy u understood unlike dream catcher who insists on being oblivious to the realities. does dreaming of utopia mean turning a blind eye to the ugliness this world can churn out?

medhini thanks for dropping by.

anonymous thank you. i can only imagine how horrible CSA must be. this was an imaginary tale but maybe this is the story of many a child.

Dream catcher said...

ha ha ha
dream catcher who insists on being oblivious to the realities.
hmmm seems u never read my blog seriously..:)
anywawyas i dont wanna explain...tk

Anonymous said...

yes it is and unlike stories from childhood this always haunts you even as an adult and never leaving you forever.....

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