Jun 2, 2007

Of What Was, Whats If's & What Could Have Been's

A summer night way back in 1991, somewhere in a small hill station. The conversation between an 8 year old girl and a 7 year old boy.

Girl [pointing a finger]:- Look up it is so pretty.

Boy :- What is there to see? It is the same sky and the same stars. I see them every night.

Girl :- But here the sky is darker and the stars shine so much brighter and there are millions and millions of them[smiles!Trying very hard to make him understand]

Boy :- Uffffff! I don't wanna see. Can't you see these multi coloured pebbles I am trying to collect? I wanna have the biggest collection of them in school.

Girl :- "Fine you can keep your pebbles to yourself."[ walks away with a huff and a puff]( thinking -"Whats with boys? I don't like them.")

Boy :- I am glad she is gone. Girls are quite strange.

Present Day :-I was going through my inbox and found this one mail written by me on a crazy day amidst a busy schedule to a friend about someone I’d had a thing for sometime back. My friend was of the view that I have a penchant to get besotted with the most unsuitable men. So came this mail elucidating my position. Felt like a lifetime ago. Time flies and maybe sometimes we have these unfinished chapters. Sniff* Sniff*

Yeah I know I attract the wrong kind of men.Well I have known this guy as long as I can remember. Almost all my life but yeah liking him in itself has been quite a surprise for me. You don't meet someone after 14 years one evening and by the time the night is over you are left wondering what hit you. But he is such a charming mix of nerd and the fun types. In fact he is more of a nerd. He prefers sitting at home during weekends and doesn't like the idea of partying every Saturday but he went to Goa for New Year's and had a ball there, got a tattoo{dragon if I may say so} on his arm. Most of his time is spent in front of his laptop because he is techie and even at home he is always doing something or the other on the computer, be it web designing or playing some silly game or the other.[ men i tell you are fundamnetally different from us] He wouldn't take me out partying on a Saturday night but took me to this real chic’ restaurant with live music, for a candle night dinner. He loves blogging and I am in love with the way he writes. Till a while back there were articles on the net, which referred to the posts on his blog. He is not overtly nice to me ever. He is cocky when I expect him to be sweet, surprisingly sensitive when I am expecting him to be rude. He is laziness personified cause he won't even get me a glass of water but so chivalrous that he always opens doors for me, even the car door. Never lets me pay a penny. He’ll take offence if I do. Has such a short temper but insists on dropping me home and won't get angry even if I can't tell him the way home and we have been roaming around in circles for more than an hour trying to figure where I stay and I don't have a clue. Most of the times when we talk he would be telling me something happening in his life and I'd b feeling that damn I know him more than he knows me but suddenly he'd mention some small detail I about me and I would be taken aback cause hell how does he remember everything in spite of trying to act that he doesn't listen to half the things I say. He says the funniest of things and makes me laugh. Even his rudeness is tinged with humour. Damn I am totally at sea with him and he looks like a giant {he is 6ft 4}. My sister says he and I would look like a couple of idiots together. I really couldn't care because he is the one I like and kind of want to be with. Though I won't get a chance as he is leaving for the US in August and won't be coming back so its pointless getting into anything now. We’ll never get to know each other even if he and I were childhood buddies. I mean almost. That’s ____ _____ for me. Damn think I said too much. But guess I can tell you.

I am glad things are working out for you but they aren’t the same for everybody and its not always wrong choices but just the circumstances. Things don't seem to fall into place. But it’s cool. Life goes on. Darn!!!!!

So that was it. It has been 6 Months ever since. Life has moved on and I haven’t even had time to look back except for stolen moments like this one and a lingering feeling of what could’ve been? Sigh!


A Soppy Me


Anonymous said...

That cartoon... story of my life. Attracting the wrong man for me.. oh yeah. Turned 40 last year and I've given up on finding the right man for me. Just can't be bothered anymore. Nothing wrong with my life the way it is, when there is a man around.. chaos & drama! Forget it! I need serenity and this is what I have now.

utopia said...

hahaha!!!!!! :-)yeah well i guess sometimes its just pointless. i like the calm and uncomplicated life except sometimes maybe....

Blessed said...

It's funny how sometimes we click with someone and it doesn't work out and we keep wondering what if?

Thru life we are to keep moving forward, to not look back....but sometimes you just can't help looking back and wondering, yet again, what if.....

Thank you for stopping by my blog and leaving such an inspiring quote. I really appreciate it!

backpakker said...

That sounds like a leaf out of the book of my life ...

Anonymous said...


You are 23.. ;-)

When you're 40... you might think differently..

I certainly didn't think like I do now when I was 23....

utopia said...

backpakker thanks for stopping by.

blessed you are welcome.

Nancy yeah i won't think the same way when i am 40 and however mature and philosophical i try to be now i somehow don't get the desired results ;-). sigh!

Anonymous said...

Regardless, I still feel that mature and philosophical is the way to go and sometimes JUST LET LOOSE! wink