Jun 21, 2007

Fly Away Again.....


Yeah I am feeling bloody impatient today. It seems everybody is getting to where they want in life but me. Last week I was on the “ I don’t know what I am doing with my career” mode, then I switched on to “ I am the only one who isn’t in love with her job” mode, and after a lot of afterthought and contemplation I finally settled on “ Everything in life has a time” mode. Someone I know had his visa interview today and he should’ve got it by now. Yeah he also seems to be leaving for the Promised Land on my birthday (sometime in august). I called up my eternal whining partner in Chennai and started complaining about how every soul I know is going somewhere but she and I. It just so happened that she was also accompanying this friend of our’s to the U.K visa office. I was like “ Shivi what the hell? Even Vaish is going to Brighton, Thri is going to Pennsylvania, P is already in London, Parag is going to Leeds and that nasty Fatty is going to Washington D.C to do a course I always dreamt of doing and here are you and I just stuck in the middle of nowhere. Doing something we ain’t even in love with.”

That’s the story of my life. Stuck in a job which isn’t bad but hey I am not exactly enjoying it. I keep weaving dreams and building castles in the air wondering when will my time come. Shivi and I have made at least a million plans of how she is going to study in California and I’ll be in New York.. We’ll go for a holiday to Venice one summer or Greece maybe. We’ll meet up when she comes down to NYC or I’ll go visit her in L.A. Then maybe we’d catch a shuttle and go to Ohio too for a bit. Sigh! I love traveling; I can’t stay in one place for too long. Can’t help it. I have lead a wandering life since I was a kid all thanks to my father cos he was in the army and hell I hated it at that time. I always had to say goodbye to all my friends and change schools and start afresh all over again. I just wanted to stay in one place and often wondered how does one feel when you are born in one house and live in that house half your life until you are an adult. I don’t know. I have changed so many houses, been to so many places, made so many friends, bid adieu to most of them.

Finally when I was 10 years old we settled down in one city and I stayed there till I was 18. Those 8 years were probably the closest I have come to stability and being rooted to one place. I got out for college at 18 and I have been on the move ever since. I could have stayed at home but I chose to move out. Till date I don’t wanna go back and lead that easy life of comfort. Living at home is a luxury I think and I don’t wanna get used to that. There is soooooooo much to do, so many new places to go to, interesting people to meet ( not to the creeps though). That is why I get this itch when I hear someone is heading out to UK and someone to the US. Last week I told my Mum on the phone that I wanna go work in Afghanistan. I was serious. I checked up job positions in Afghanistan[found something in Kabul Municipal Corporation;)] for women and they did need lawyers and human rights activists but apparently I am too young. She went ballistic saying whats with me and this wandering streak in me. Why can’t I just lead a normal, peaceful life like most sane women my age would? How am I supposed to explain to her this feeling of being stifled as I sit on my table doing my monotonous job day after day, dealing with buildings, structures, bricks and mortar, corporate ventures and contracts. This is not me. This job is so far away from what I dream of doing. I didn’t go to college thinking I am gonna be doing this after I get my degree. It just happened by chance cos my other plans didn’t materialize. But that doesn’t mean that this is what I am gonna be doing for the rest of my life.

Finally after a lot of arguments my Mum agreed to the United States. There is no way in hell that I am gonna be allowed to set one step in Afghanistan as long as my family is around. I guess I’ll just have to wait for my time. I shall go away too someday.I'll go everywhere. Go do something I can be passionate about, get that degree I so wanna get, study some more. I'll go to London and roam around this one city I have heard so much about. I'll go to Greece and wanna see the Acropolis, and how can i forget Paris, have a cup of coffee on a sidewalk cafe .I'll go to Prince Edward Island in Canada so I can finally go see all those places mentioned in "Anne of Green Gables". I'll go to Istanbul and Mongolia and my favourite Australia.Sigh! Till then I have to bid farewell to all my friends as they go on to greener pastures pursuing their dreams.

So Thri, best of luck. Hope you get that teaching job you’ll be so perfect at.

Vaish I hope you finally learn how to be independent and stop hankering and getting worried about stupid relationships.

Fatty I envy you woman, I am so jealous. But wish you all the best nonetheless.

P I miss you soooooo much. Someday you’ll be arguing at the International Court of Justice. Knowing you, I am sure you’ll get there.

Parag, my monkey I hope you manage to get the CFA degree you so want and kick Willem’s butt in South Africa hahah!

Mister Daddy Long Legs you’ll be leaving really soon for _____. I want you to be really really happy and hope all your dreams come true cos you deserve nothing but the best.

Shivi darling you are in the same boat as me but maybe some time soon in the next few years you’d get a job at the HARPO studios as a producer.

As for me, I’ll just have to wait for a new day till my time comes to fly away again.

"What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? — it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-by. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies..."

11 comments:

doggerel maker said...

:) You are patient, darn it!

Very well written. It is so you :). Now I know why I can't write this way. I'm just *not* this kind of a person. But I don't really know.

As for the real comment, we've spoken about it :).

Ricercar said...

i really liked reading this. the meaning of the blog name is in the side panel of the blog

Neo said...

liked ur blog a lot! added u to my faves!

Nancy said...

Hey!

The grass always seems greener elsewhere... but it isn't.. ;-)

We have to be happy within.. where ever that may be!

utopia said...

Thanks Neo :-)

Heyyy Nancy sometimes one just has to move on, its like being stuck in a rut actually. hard to explain.

Shivi said...

Hi girl. I thought it was a fabulous post. Infact I then had to read all of them at one go and thought each one was fantastic!(and I'm not just being nice..tis the truth)... Love u loads :)

DreamCatcher said...

awww...felt m talking to myself..
so well u have said..

utopia said...

Dream Catcher thanks for stopping by and yeah think a lot of us echo the same thoughts :).

DreamCatcher said...

yeah true..:) n thanx to u :) for this nice post

slaintesurvivors said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
slaintesurvivors said...

i miss you too! My faith in you has only increased with time. Like I have always said, patience dear one. You know you are headed for something oh-so-grand. Let it be the story of the tortoise ;)