My first and second last exam in 2 hours. I only managed one revision. I somehow just cannot get down to reading like a maniac. I know I shouldn't be over confident because it is construction law but I am hardly complacent about this. I just don't feel like reading anymore. I'll solve the problem when it is in front of me. That is that. I am not excited about this getting over. Of course I can hardly wait for the "I don't need to study everyday diligently feeling" to set in but the rest I am just clueless. What now?

I'll be lying if I said I wasn't excited about going back home though. I am so so excited, as if I am 18 again and this is the first year of undergrad. I am so excited about Mona's wedding and meeting up with all the girls where ever they may be. I am excited about meeting some old old friends in Delhi and I can hardly wait to go to Bombay and meet Shivi. Sad about leaving somethings and some people behind in Singapore. But that was inevitable I guess. Now to find a new job and move on in life.  I'll mostly have happy memories of this city. 

Random thoughts

I wish I had just one day when my mind did not think so much but for the tasks I am supposed to complete. So many thoughts running wild in my head, all the what nots, the whys, the hows? I am tired of over thinking. I am not even that worried. But I think being blank is so peaceful sometimes. I want that blankness of mind, like a blackboard wiped clean.

I don't wanna crave and pine for romantic love. Its so tiresome to bother about it. Not a single leaf moves if it is not supposed to and same goes with romantic love. I don't know how people so smugly advice you not to focus on finding someone and concentrating on loving yourself first and it'll come when you least expect it. Hahaha! Seriously that is a joke. Some of us don't like to focus on finding someone but are constantly reminded of it. 

And if anyone tells me about self love and loving myself first, well I think the last couple of years especially the two years, I have done a good job of loving myself and my life and following my dreams and I aspire to be able to continue to do so. But seriously I can only love myself so much. I do not wanna be obsessed about finding myself and get lost in self love. I already found myself, a tad bit late but I did. I still have stars in my eyes though. 

I gotta head back to work. Sigh! 

I am tired and drained out with research. ASEAN's policies have sucked the life out of me. As usual I have failed to adhere to the word limit of a research paper.

This morning I got up and I realised any more reading on ASEAN and I'll explode. Besides the amount of time I spend on Facebook is preposterous. Last night I  deactivated my account only to activate it again.

Today it is Freedom of Speech that shall do the honours.

 I keep reading this fabulous articles, written by brilliant people and I also read some not so great articles by not so brilliant people and then I write a pile of rubbish and sometimes maybe I write something that actually makes sense and the one thing that keeps running in my mind while I am buried knee deep in books, getting all these concepts clear in my head, stuff I never thought would come to me easily and it still doesn't but I love it, and the truth is that one does not feel like going back to highways, underground railways and bridges. Airports I can tolerate. But loving something and tolerating something is soooooo different.

Silly woman. Should have taken the corporate and financial services modules and never gotten a taste of this. The doctrine of 'grapes are sour' shall never apply here. Now to live with this.