Aug 13, 2009

Everybody is going to the party, dancing in the dessert and blowing up the sunshine...



I don’t seem to be able to put my thoughts and feelings across on a blog as eloquently I could in the past. It is also cos I don’t want it to be out there for the world or my tiny little world to read. Sometimes I am amazed at the amount of information on my personal life I have put up on the blog in the past especially the comings and goings of the objects of affection. Damn were they seasonal or not. I mean I could actually sit and write post after post on someone who just let me walk away. Is this how much we grow up in two years that you finally see something for exactly what it was worth? They keep coming and going, coming and going like ships sailing in the night my Mum said once and apparently if you are lucky someday someone while choose to stay on. No I don’t want this to be a “nobody loweeees me” post. Haven’t I written enough of those over the top looney looserish posts on loneliness and yada yada yada!
Work is good and I am happy. Yup I don’t cringe at all when I get up in the morning unlike my old workplace where Walrus use to keep us guessing how his frame of mind shall be and what shape it shall take by the time the day is over. Our Bosses let us be as long as the work is done. I think that is the best part of working here and that we are not constantly subjected to their bad moods and whims and fancies. Weekends are quite lackluster and unexciting as invariably we end up going to the same pub and its just three of us and the same old middle aged lecherous bastards or school boys. No you can’t even dream about striking up a conversation with any one of them and to think I’d even crib about the crowd in B’lore cos Calcutta officially has the saddest crowd. I don’t know where all the men went and honestly there isn’t even any eye candy. How I miss Delhi? Hmphhhh! I miss dressing up and going out and knowing I can come back whenever I want to be it drunk or sane or something in the middle.
I love living with my Mum but Dad is missed a lot. Saturdays were never insipid with him around as something or the other would turn up and all three of us would be out having a merry time. Yeah I miss him a lot cos sometimes I assume he is still there until it hits me no he isn’t and that he is gone forever. No more drunk dials from Dad each night narrating some ridiculous joke or making fun of Ma’s eccentricities. No more Dad calling me a lazy bum and urging me to go for a jog. No more reassurance that he is right there and I can reach out to him as and when I want to. I try to feel his presence sometimes when I am in a dilemma and I want him to show me the right way. I try to savour each day more so now cos I realize how sudden and unpredictable this life can be. But happiness is not how happiness use to be. It just doesn’t feel the same. Its hollow, empty and lifeless. But times have to change right. That bubbly feeling will be back someday. Life can’t be static and frozen in time forever. It will change and maybe it already is and I don’t realize it until the sunshine hits me on my face yet again. Alas sunshine I seek you now and forever and ever.

9 comments:

Swayam said...

really nice to see life's sunny side... and I continue to love your blog.. :)

Jinu P said...

I assure u life will get better. I swear. I know ppl who've left us wont come back and it is fine to not move on in a certain way but life does move on.

and trust me even Bangalore has no eye candies. So don't think it is Calcutta. It is world in general. It's only the bad lot thats left. :|

Keshi said...

**But happiness is not how happiness use to be.

that exactly is the reason behind my current post Utopia. u asked me why I reacted the way I reacted in it? Now u urself hv the answer :)

Keshi.

The Guy Next Door said...

Eye-candies ka akaal pada hua hain Kolkata main????? Or you not hanging out at the right places???

Shivi said...

I love your pictures.. soo happy they make me. Sunshine will happen- soon, soon ;)

The Dude said...

Yeah, I know what you mean, it seems to be harder and harder to put things down and there are times when life seems so mundane that you dont really have anything to put.

I guess the good part here is that you are forced to expand your field of vision and find new things and thoughts to blog about.

Sorry about your dad, it will take its time.. you wont forget him, but over time the bad and hurt fades somewhat and the great memories - like your examples in the post - will shine all the brighter for it.

I hope you get a chance to get out of Cal, I dont know anyone yet who WANTS to live there as a young person. best of luck.

Cheers..

J said...

That bubbly feeling sure will be back and you are definitely on the right track too.

Take care.

J said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
El Mar said...

Hmm. So that's how you've been. You don't reply to Facebook scraps.