I'd never thought something like this would happen to somebody so so close. I feel oddly disconnected cos I am so far away and it hasn't sunk in as yet. I knew something was wrong from the moment her voice changed and I finally confronted her and she didn't have to say anything cos I knew it from the time I started having those bad dreams every single night last week. I am still getting them each night but this isn't about me at all. This is totally out of the context but I'd always thought if I ever wrote a book the main dedications would be to both of them "To ____ for letting me be. To ____ for giving us the life you did cos today as I like look back I realise its been a good life all thanks to your little sacrifices over the years which we never understood."

Now I am sitting out here with my hands tied and I can't do a thing but to wait and watch. I know everybody says tis gonna be okay but until it does get okay all we can do is hope that it isn't as bad as they are making it out to be and pray. I know you'll never read this but I'd do anything to have you call me some 4 times every night complaining about how much she nags you and asking me whose side would I be on each time you quarrel. The phone calls have stopped and the silence is deafening...